Mind over Matter

Let’s not even get into feelings.

I work for a living, I’m like a machine through the week.

There’s no time for feelings about anything.

It’s tiring, but don’t complain

It’s a sacrifice that comes with making something from nothing.

And doing it alone,

Don’t bother looking for comfort anywhere outside of yourself.

My friends exist but mainly acquaintances.

I watch people take vacations and enjoy their summer freedom,

Reminding myself not to be bitter because my time is coming.

I’m working like this so that in the next 3years, I won’t have to.

My time will come. I keep taking steps toward the vision I see for myself,

Only I can see it and I know I will reach it.

Stay persistent and keep aligning your energy with your true desires.

Believe in Faith and the Power of Manifestation.

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The Biggest Fear

I think my Biggest fear is that if I finally find the courage to face my fears and open up to someone, that I will be judged and rejected.

You can’t trust your emotions to everyone,

And I know I shouldn’t put myself in vulnerable situations with people I can’t trust, but it happened.

Right now, everything is becoming slippery. Needing support but acting like everything is cool…

Drinking through my Insecurities again, Now trying to face the mess I made.

I don’t do casual because I’m not casual, now when my emotions are involved.

I keep saying It’s because of stress…but when will I not be stressed?

I know this will pass, like every emotional crisis, I’ll survive it.

But what Happens next? Do I cut my losses or try to communicate…

wait it out.

Not Ok

Today was the BreakDown I tried to avoid.

Something about that place stirs up way too many memories and emotions.

I can never make it through 4 hours without tears.

I kept trying to push myself through, but I couldn’t anymore.

Everyone around me can see that I’m not really here at all.

I am so zoned out I can barely force words out of my month.

I keep working like eventually the robotic scans on my machine will make my brain stop thinking or my soul stop feeling.

I hate this place.

This is the same feeling I had when I would scream and cry in my car in the mornings before work

Then pull it together and walk into the building with a smile.

I’m sick of faking like I’m ok.

Some days I am, but some days I’m just not.

I don’t really know how to interact with people when I’m not.

I hate wearing my pain so visibly, but

I am only Human and still learning to be ok.

Stories of an Empath

For years, I’ve been emotionally imbalanced. Being swept along by my emotions, back and forth between bottling everything inside and watching it all explode in the ugliest ways.

Being unaware of my emotional depth and incapable of Navigating my sea of emotions has caused me to feel sad and disconnected from people and hurt the ones closest to me.

For years, I couldn’t express what I didn’t understand. I thought I must be dramatic, overly sensitive, or even psychotic. I used to criticize myself and feel ashamed whenever I felt I was being too Emotional. I didn’t understand how much I was only hurting myself by trying to bury my emotions.

Now, I know that the word for people like me. There’s even a whole science behind it. Being this way isn’t easy, but it’s my responsibility to figure

When you are an Empath,

1. You feel strongly and deeply. You form strong energetic connections to fellow empaths without even trying to.

2. Your energy is affected by your environment, other people, even the weather…I used to wonder why I felt so sad on cloudy, rainy days and why I lose my motivation towards the end of the day. It is because I draw my energy from the sun.

3. Negative energy is toxic and draining to be around. You have to be selective about the people and conversations you surround yourself with or you will find yourself absorbing negative energy without realizing.

*It takes constant effort and practice to learn how to Protect Your Energy during your daily life!

4. Music is a form of energy. It speaks to me in a way I cannot understand. I find myself crying to certain songs I hear on the radio, but the music I love lifts me up so High that it turns any sadness into joy.

5. You carry an abundance of emotional energy with you at all times. As much as I try, I cannot help but to experience multiple emotions at one time. I can’t turn it off I can only learn to listen and understand what my soul is trying to tell me.

6. Certain things just don’t mix with your energy. For me, Drinking and smoking are the main things to avoid if I’m imbalanced because

1. It taints my energy and aura.

2. It amplifies all of my emotional struggles.

7. You need physical/Creative outlets. You need to do things that allow you to Feel!!

Movement is an outlet to process and channel your emotional energy. Creating, dance, yoga, and nature walks are not just what I love, they are what I need. If I ever take a break from it, I’m back to being empty and depressed.

8. People prone to depression and anxiety are typically empathic and feel things easily and deeply (Kamm 127).

The more I understand, the more I can control my emotions. I’m learning to shape my life around my emotional needs.

It is ok to do what makes you happy.

It is ok to stop doing things that hurt you or negatively affect your energy.

Whenever you feel overwhelmed or confused, come back to this guide.

Here I Am.

This is Me

Here I am.

I’m starting completely over again

Building myself from the ground up

I’m juggling so much by myself 

And still trying to be happy…

It’s a game of Survival

People come and go and everyone has their opinion of who they THINK I am,

But at the end of the day, why should I fear anyone but God?

I can’t let people Bring Me Down.

I Release those Fears

Enough is Enough!

This week was full of reflections and revelations that helped me to recognize the source of my stress and frustration with my life.

For my entire adult life I have worked, studied, trained, and performed without ever feeling truly satisfied. I always seemed to need more money and more time to fulfill my never ending list of goals.

No matter how busy and stressed, I always felt that I needed to do more professionally, creatively, and personally.

6 months ago, I came to NY with this same attitude. I jumped in head first working 2 jobs, going back to school, constantly moving without permanent housing, trying to make time for dance, and struggling to maintain a relationship.

Needless to say after about 3 months of this madness, I was burnt out, bitter, and disappointed that things turned out nothing like I had imagined.

2 months later, I am living in a homeless shelter. I have decided to focus on one part time job, and my priority is to finish school in Spring. My relationship finally ended after we were both forced to admit that it had become toxic and emotionally draining.

Now that I have slowed down, My mind finally has clarity to see the truth about myself and my decisions. Here are the major lessons I learned.

There has to be a such thing as Enough. (Yogi Principle)

Stop pushing yourself to do more than you can without stress.

An excessive mindset keeps you from being grateful for what you already have.

Eliminate excessiveness and prioritize the essentials..

You don’t have to do more or be more to live your dreams. Learn to work with what you have right here and right now.