Physical Existence

As much as I can, I want to escape this physical existence. I want to be more than my physical identity.

My physical life fills me with pain. Memories from my past are like visions of my past lives…How can I be so many people and still be whole?

People say I am young because of my physical age, but my soul is centuries old.

Some days my soul is heavy and tired and I feel trapped in this physical cage.

I feel free when I can escape into my spiritual realm of meditation, dance, music, nature.

I won’t be truly happy or free until I learn to live from my soul.

Comment me if you ever feel this way or have any knowledge/experience of metaphysics that I can gain from.

Thank You,

Shenise G.

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Just Existing

Today is one of those cold, grey days….

Lately , I feel it more and more

Loneliness

Homelessness…not just physically

But emotionally, disconnected from everything.

Part of me is questioning why I decided to move here alone??

Everything feels empty and meaningless

What is there to look forward to?

At work, I’m just taking up space

Not even present.

Every day I face facts

A relationship won’t fill me.

I’m not living, just existing.


I won’t feel like Me again until I’m creatively productive and connected again.

More to Life


I’m Sick of being trapped inside a system where I can’t get ahead.

I’m always working, but still behind.

They say Money is the root of evil but it affects our quality of Life…

I’m always outside looking in at the Life of my dreams….

Watching people of privledge prosper effortlessly.

Me I have to split myself in 3 to study, work, and try to live my dreams.

When am I free to pursue my passions??

They say you cannot Buy Happiness….

So I guess I should learn to be content with Living from Hand to Mouth 

every day of every week of every month.

Don’t get me wrong, I am Thankful for everything I have.

I see people in far worse circumstances every day.

Thankful I am, but content? Not at all.

With Spiritual eyes, I see where I am supposed to be.

I can’t Accept Work, Struggle, Repeat as the  theme of my saga.

There’s More to Life and I deserve it.

So aggressively I will work, study, Move, shift, and shake my Plans into action

As I Pray, Trust, and Believe there is More to this Life.

Inside my Mind

My anxiety makes me doubt and question everything, even things I know are true. I try to be positive and not expect the worst, but When things turn out well, I am always surprised.

My Add Mind makes it hard to listen to people speak, hard to follow instructions, and hard to follow my own thoughts sometimes. I have many goals, but I haven’t learned to stick with just one Thing at a time. I don’t know if it’s possible. If I’m not doing a hundred things at once, then it feels like I’m not doing enough.

My depression just makes me want to be alone. Some days There’s a lingering pain of loneliness, but it’s hard to explain to others why you’re sad for no reason. I keep myself busy so I don’t have time to feel, but sometimes it catches up with me. Drinking doesn’t help, but it’s still my medication of choice.

I accomplish goals, but always the hard way because of the way my mind works. Sometimes there are obvious solutions to simple problems, but I wonder around in circles making things harder than necessary.

How do I feel about myself? I have my ups and downs… I am a perfectionist. It’s hard to love and accept myself with so many kinks and quirks. I always feel that I want to be better. I’m disappointed when I realize I cannot “fix” myself.

I struggle to love myself because I don’t want to be like this.

I’m always in a hurry, I’m impatient, irritable, I isolate myself because it feels easier to deal with this baggage alone.

I’ve dealt with these issues forever, even before I knew what they were called, but now I’m living in a new place in a new relationship. There’s much more at stake. Now, I am forced to see the many ways my mental habits affect my life and my partner’s.

This year I want to get help. I want to learn how to be a whole, functional person. I want to stop repeating self destructive habits. I want to be in Control of my emotions. But even if I never get it all together, I want to learn to love and accept myself for who I am.

I am not broken, just flawed like every other human on this Earth.

The Fem Body Complex

It’s easy to get so caught up in what “Looks Beautiful” that you forget that you already are…

I’ve been dealing with this pressure lately. Even though I have spent years learning to Love and Accept the Real Me sometimes I still lose it and get stuck in the trap of feeling “Am I enough?”

Its easy to lose perspective when you are a Dancer who always seems to find herself on the Outside looking in…On top of that, Broke and Desperate wondering what it will take to get me from Point A to B??

Would it help if I looked more like a stripper with a small waist and Huge Ass, a Barbie Face and perfect, long hair??

Of course I know how Superficial and Anti-Feminist this “standard” for Female Beauty is but let’s face it….

These Girls Get PAID!

And not the Bullsht money you have to work over 40 hours at a crappy job for…

When I look at them, I find myself thinking it can’t be so hard to look like that…

Then I look at my own body…My angular shoulders, muscular arms, long legs, size A chest, and size 10 feet and I question my femininity…

Am I enough? Will I be accepted like this?

In the back of my mind, I hear my own voice saying You Are Beautiful as You Are! I hear my girlfriend’s voice saying I’m Beautiful, Sexy, And she wouldn’t change a thing… But still I am self conscious.

So I’m faced with these two perspectives, pondering these questions on a daily basis…

How do I get back to that place of Self Love and Acceptance??

Is it worth it to compromise to get what I want faster??

To be Continued

Dreams-Living vs. Speaking

What have I learned from my first attempt at living my dreams in NYC and briefly coming home to friends and family?….

It’s easier to Live Your Dreams Out Loud than to speak them out loud.

Speaking your dreams gives people the chance to cut them down and implant seeds of Doubt into your Vision.

I know why I left this place….Being here Drains my energy. I’m constantly surrounded by voices of Fear.

It’s takes all the strength I have just to stay inspired from day to day…

Is there anyone here that can lift me up??

There goes that anxious, restless feeling that tells me it’s time to go.

From now on, I’ll share even less about my journey.

I want my accomplishments to speak for themselves.