The Fem Body Complex

It’s easy to get so caught up in what “Looks Beautiful” that you forget that you already are…

I’ve been dealing with this pressure lately. Even though I have spent years learning to Love and Accept the Real Me sometimes I still lose it and get stuck in the trap of feeling “Am I enough?”

Its easy to lose perspective when you are a Dancer who always seems to find herself on the Outside looking in…On top of that, Broke and Desperate wondering what it will take to get me from Point A to B??

Would it help if I looked more like a stripper with a small waist and Huge Ass, a Barbie Face and perfect, long hair??

Of course I know how Superficial and Anti-Feminist this “standard” for Female Beauty is but let’s face it….

These Girls Get PAID!

And not the Bullsht money you have to work over 40 hours at a crappy job for…

When I look at them, I find myself thinking it can’t be so hard to look like that…

Then I look at my own body…My angular shoulders, muscular arms, long legs, size A chest, and size 10 feet and I question my femininity…

Am I enough? Will I be accepted like this?

In the back of my mind, I hear my own voice saying You Are Beautiful as You Are! I hear my girlfriend’s voice saying I’m Beautiful, Sexy, And she wouldn’t change a thing… But still I am self conscious.

So I’m faced with these two perspectives, pondering these questions on a daily basis…

How do I get back to that place of Self Love and Acceptance??

Is it worth it to compromise to get what I want faster??

To be Continued

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Dreams-Living vs. Speaking

What have I learned from my first attempt at living my dreams in NYC and briefly coming home to friends and family?….

It’s easier to Live Your Dreams Out Loud than to speak them out loud.

Speaking your dreams gives people the chance to cut them down and implant seeds of Doubt into your Vision.

I know why I left this place….Being here Drains my energy. I’m constantly surrounded by voices of Fear.

It’s takes all the strength I have just to stay inspired from day to day…

Is there anyone here that can lift me up??

There goes that anxious, restless feeling that tells me it’s time to go.

From now on, I’ll share even less about my journey.

I want my accomplishments to speak for themselves.

Reality and Dreams

Living your Dreams should be A Right, not something reserved for the Privileged….

But the reality is, I can’t afford to live my dreams here.

Maybe this mentality is my problem…I see others living their Dreams and I compare…Im just as talented. Why can’t I have it?

The ones on the top are already professional dancers and entertainers living in The heart of the city, where all the opportunities are.

Meanwhile, I’m homeless, working 2 Jobs, and trying to finish school so I can actually sustain my Dance Dreams.

The irony is that I came to NY to be in a Dance program. but I can’t afford tuition. I dont even know how I can make the time while I’m still working like crazy just to live.

Maybe I need to learn to live my Dreams on a smaller scale?