Sober Day 1

No matter how high

Always a thorn in my side.

What’s left to hold on to?

What’s left to lose?

She is my motivation to get better, stronger and stop this destructive pattern.

I can’t keep on like this.

A bad habit is not worth losing a relationship.

I need her more than I need it.

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More to Life


I’m Sick of being trapped inside a system where I can’t get ahead.

I’m always working, but still behind.

They say Money is the root of evil but it affects our quality of Life…

I’m always outside looking in at the Life of my dreams….

Watching people of privledge prosper effortlessly.

Me I have to split myself in 3 to study, work, and try to live my dreams.

When am I free to pursue my passions??

They say you cannot Buy Happiness….

So I guess I should learn to be content with Living from Hand to Mouth 

every day of every week of every month.

Don’t get me wrong, I am Thankful for everything I have.

I see people in far worse circumstances every day.

Thankful I am, but content? Not at all.

With Spiritual eyes, I see where I am supposed to be.

I can’t Accept Work, Struggle, Repeat as the  theme of my saga.

There’s More to Life and I deserve it.

So aggressively I will work, study, Move, shift, and shake my Plans into action

As I Pray, Trust, and Believe there is More to this Life.

Inside my Mind

My anxiety makes me doubt and question everything, even things I know are true. I try to be positive and not expect the worst, but When things turn out well, I am always surprised.

My Add Mind makes it hard to listen to people speak, hard to follow instructions, and hard to follow my own thoughts sometimes. I have many goals, but I haven’t learned to stick with just one Thing at a time. I don’t know if it’s possible. If I’m not doing a hundred things at once, then it feels like I’m not doing enough.

My depression just makes me want to be alone. Some days There’s a lingering pain of loneliness, but it’s hard to explain to others why you’re sad for no reason. I keep myself busy so I don’t have time to feel, but sometimes it catches up with me. Drinking doesn’t help, but it’s still my medication of choice.

I accomplish goals, but always the hard way because of the way my mind works. Sometimes there are obvious solutions to simple problems, but I wonder around in circles making things harder than necessary.

How do I feel about myself? I have my ups and downs… I am a perfectionist. It’s hard to love and accept myself with so many kinks and quirks. I always feel that I want to be better. I’m disappointed when I realize I cannot “fix” myself.

I struggle to love myself because I don’t want to be like this.

I’m always in a hurry, I’m impatient, irritable, I isolate myself because it feels easier to deal with this baggage alone.

I’ve dealt with these issues forever, even before I knew what they were called, but now I’m living in a new place in a new relationship. There’s much more at stake. Now, I am forced to see the many ways my mental habits affect my life and my partner’s.

This year I want to get help. I want to learn how to be a whole, functional person. I want to stop repeating self destructive habits. I want to be in Control of my emotions. But even if I never get it all together, I want to learn to love and accept myself for who I am.

I am not broken, just flawed like every other human on this Earth.