My anxiety makes me doubt and question everything, even things I know are true. I try to be positive and not expect the worst, but When things turn out well, I am always surprised.
My Add Mind makes it hard to listen to people speak, hard to follow instructions, and hard to follow my own thoughts sometimes. I have many goals, but I haven’t learned to stick with just one Thing at a time. I don’t know if it’s possible. If I’m not doing a hundred things at once, then it feels like I’m not doing enough.
My depression just makes me want to be alone. Some days There’s a lingering pain of loneliness, but it’s hard to explain to others why you’re sad for no reason. I keep myself busy so I don’t have time to feel, but sometimes it catches up with me. Drinking doesn’t help, but it’s still my medication of choice.
I accomplish goals, but always the hard way because of the way my mind works. Sometimes there are obvious solutions to simple problems, but I wonder around in circles making things harder than necessary.
How do I feel about myself? I have my ups and downs… I am a perfectionist. It’s hard to love and accept myself with so many kinks and quirks. I always feel that I want to be better. I’m disappointed when I realize I cannot “fix” myself.
I struggle to love myself because I don’t want to be like this.
I’m always in a hurry, I’m impatient, irritable, I isolate myself because it feels easier to deal with this baggage alone.
I’ve dealt with these issues forever, even before I knew what they were called, but now I’m living in a new place in a new relationship. There’s much more at stake. Now, I am forced to see the many ways my mental habits affect my life and my partner’s.
This year I want to get help. I want to learn how to be a whole, functional person. I want to stop repeating self destructive habits. I want to be in Control of my emotions. But even if I never get it all together, I want to learn to love and accept myself for who I am.
I am not broken, just flawed like every other human on this Earth.