Today was the BreakDown I tried to avoid.
Something about that place stirs up way too many memories and emotions.
I can never make it through 4 hours without tears.
I kept trying to push myself through, but I couldn’t anymore.
Everyone around me can see that I’m not really here at all.
I am so zoned out I can barely force words out of my month.
I keep working like eventually the robotic scans on my machine will make my brain stop thinking or my soul stop feeling.
I hate this place.
This is the same feeling I had when I would scream and cry in my car in the mornings before work
Then pull it together and walk into the building with a smile.
I’m sick of faking like I’m ok.
Some days I am, but some days I’m just not.
I don’t really know how to interact with people when I’m not.
I hate wearing my pain so visibly, but
I am only Human and still learning to be ok.