Not Ok

Today was the BreakDown I tried to avoid.

Something about that place stirs up way too many memories and emotions.

I can never make it through 4 hours without tears.

I kept trying to push myself through, but I couldn’t anymore.

Everyone around me can see that I’m not really here at all.

I am so zoned out I can barely force words out of my month.

I keep working like eventually the robotic scans on my machine will make my brain stop thinking or my soul stop feeling.

I hate this place.

This is the same feeling I had when I would scream and cry in my car in the mornings before work

Then pull it together and walk into the building with a smile.

I’m sick of faking like I’m ok.

Some days I am, but some days I’m just not.

I don’t really know how to interact with people when I’m not.

I hate wearing my pain so visibly, but

I am only Human and still learning to be ok.

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