Reality and Dreams

Living your Dreams should be A Right, not something reserved for the Privileged….

But the reality is, I can’t afford to live my dreams here.

Maybe this mentality is my problem…I see others living their Dreams and I compare…Im just as talented. Why can’t I have it?

The ones on the top are already professional dancers and entertainers living in The heart of the city, where all the opportunities are.

Meanwhile, I’m homeless, working 2 Jobs, and trying to finish school so I can actually sustain my Dance Dreams.

The irony is that I came to NY to be in a Dance program. but I can’t afford tuition. I dont even know how I can make the time while I’m still working like crazy just to live.

Maybe I need to learn to live my Dreams on a smaller scale?

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One Day at a Time

Reality has a way of Humbling me.

Breaking me to my knees,

Sreaming in my face…

“Wake Up Cinderella!”

I’m trying to stop jumping the gun. I keep trying to make things happen before it’s time…I’m a control freak.

I’m trying to stop setting my expectations so high, it’s a setup for disappointment. Things in my life are never the way I see them in my mind.

Why do Dreams Manifest so slowly?

It’s hard to break these habits because I want what I want so badly. It feels like I’ve been waiting my whole life… Every day I pray for strength, patience, and peace. There never seems to be enough.

I’m trying to let Go and let God lead. I’m trying…Pray for me.

NYC Journey- Life Lessons

What Have I learned since I moved to NYC two months ago?

1. This is a year of transition… Challenges and complications are part of the process. I’m still learning to face my challenges with a confident attitude instead of an irritated, defeated one. Although it is mentally/emotionally, and physically draining at times, I have to remain inspired. Starting over and moving here was my own decision. I have to remember my reasons for that.

2. Pace Yourself…. I came here with a lot of major goals-Participate in a Pro. Dance program, Audition, live on my own, work, go back to school. After the first month, I realized that my financial situation will not allow me to accomplish all of these goals at the same time. 

Now how do I adjust, re-focus and stay inspired without allowing disappointment to take over my mind and emotions?

3. Be Consistent….Every day I feel impatient with where I am in life. I want to speed things up to the way they are in my mind…I want to make drastic changes. I don’t want to sit around and wait for the changes to come in their own time. I want to do more and more instead of remaining fully focused on reaching the goals I’m already working towards.

How do I learn to be content with where I am, develop a consistent attitude without changing my mind and turning to bad habits when life gets stressful?

How can I be more patient and accepting of myself and my journey?

Clearly UnDefined….

 

Day to day I feel trapped in a Multiplicity of Self…

At times, I am proud of myself, but other times I’m ashamed of my flaws.

I am a kind, loving person but I push people away when they get too close.

Some days I am so inspired, I feel I can do anything. Some days I feel like I’m in over my head.

Some days I feel everything. Some days I am completely numb, just existing.

Some days I feel relaxed and comfortable with people. Some days I feel tense and impatient.

Why am I so complicated? Why can’t I just be the real Me all the time?

How do I get my mind, body, and emotions all on the same page?? To express my true feelings without the need to cover up.

How do I express myself on the days that I feel empty?? I am not a negative person. I know this is a battle I have to keep fighting.

When I become unbalanced, everything falls apart until I realign.

Until I can be the Real Me in every context, I remain emotionally unavailable. It has nothing to do with others, and everything to do with me and my multiplicity of selves…

 

 

 

 

FRee Spirit LOve?

Up until recently I thought of myself as a Free Spirit… Then a new friend brought up that I am actually high strung. I was irritated at first, but I knew she had valid points.

Since I moved to NY, I’ve been in constant work mode, It’s hard to relax…Rent is outrageously high, I don’t have my own place yet, I need a Second job, and I’m starting school next week. Most of my day when I’m not working is spent traveling / navigating around the City so by the end of the day I’m exhausted. With all that, I’ve barely had the time and energy to do the thing I came here to do…. DANCE!

I’m trying my best to calm it down, but I know I have a tendency to make things even more complicated by trying to do everything myself. Yesterday, most of my day consisted of trying to meet up with my friend in Central Park. We started at 1 and we didn’t find each other until 5….. So many things went wrong, But instead of going with simple solutions to make things faster, I insisted on trying to figure it out myself. What started as a leisurely Sunday afternoon ended up being a complicated, exhausting journey. Needless to say, I had the worst attitude by the time my friend met up with me…

She talked with me about it and told me to stop being so hard on myself (by that time I was going on a full rant about all the time I wasted by going to the wrong location). We went back and forth for a while, But I had to admit she was right…. 

Yes, I can be very high strung and complicated for no reason… My mind just works that way. 

So how do I get back to being my old, carefree and Free Spirited Self??

Maybe I need to accept my own limitations and Stop trying to do it all on my own.

Maybe I should try to be more patient with myself and learn to enjoy the journey rather than fixating on the outcome.

Maybe I need to stop fighting against my own emotions and admit that I Really Like this Girl!

Maybe I just need to Stop trying to control everything and Just Let it Happen (as long as it’s not leading to danger or harm of course).

Those things are all easier said than done…But Today is a new Day and I’m going to try my best.

Peace, Love, Happiness

Shenise G.

NYC Mentality…I Run This

I’m thankful for the years I spent back home focusing on my spiritual growth, building positive mindsets, and letting go of emotional baggage.

As I thrive in this new environment, I know that the people and the circumstances around me cannot influence me unless I allow them to. I am the influencer and the Leader everywhere I go. That’s who I’m meant to be.