Psychology of Self

Exploring What it means to be an…

Introverted

Empathic

Highly sensitive

Woman, teacher, creator, performer, student striving and in search of Peace, Love, and Happiness.

Balance

Adapting to stress and demands of work and society. Feeling pressured to be on always, finding balance with alone time and not feeling bad for it.

Anxiety

I wish I didn’t think so much, but it’s the way I function.

Wanting to come out of my shell, sexually and creatively…

practicing non-judgment with myself, especially with the quirks I’m insecure about..

Not being able to climax with others….

Healing

Understanding my past and Healing from toxic relationships, emotional abuse

The trap of non-expression, depression and isolation

Unlearning ingrained patterns in my mind and soul: fears that keep me silent and shut down, overcoming shame and guilt, learning to let go

Communicating

With dating,  deciding to try it again with an open minded attitude, positive, and accepting but still look out for myself. In the past, I would get so negative and fearful, it has kept me away from trying to get to know people and letting people know me, but it gets lonely, I want to be able to be open and communicate.

Don’t assume that people are out to judge you or hurt you. Some people just want to love you.

Vulnerability

Is still hard and still scary, I’m learning that it can’t be avoided.  I’m trying to learn to embrace it. It does get easier with conscious effort and practice. I have to remind myself that I’m ok. I’m learning not to give people power over my emotions. It is ok to have emotions and to express them.  I’m learning to be comfortable in my own skin.

With everything, I know that people see me in many different ways. I can’t ignore the thoughts,but I can make them positive and loving instead of fearful and negative.

Psychology Today-Explanation of Introverts

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-secret-lives-introverts/201707/the-reason-introverts-might-think-too-much

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The Power of YES!

Yes, it is Attainable for me!

It’s Time to stop watching other people and dreaming about how you can have what they have. The only thing that separates you from them is your Mindset. You’ve let life tell you that it can’t happen for you. It’s too hard, your circumstances are too rough, it’s too late…They’re all LIES and excuses. Sometimes we start to believe the lies because we get tired of being disappointed, we get tired of trying and things not working out the way we want it to.

So meanwhile, You trudge through your daily life being careful, afraid to commit and go after what you really want…It’s so unknown that it’s scary.  But being afraid keeps you in a trap. It stifles your creativity and silences your voice. For me, it gets so bad that I can’t sleep. I have dreams of performing, flying, being free. 

In your dreams, you are everything you want to be…and then there’s reality.  I struggle with the balance.  The reality is my life is not exactly what I want it to be, but there are some things I cannot change, not yet.

When I look at the physical reality, I know how hard it is to create something from nothing. BUT I  have to keep believing that it is just as Possible for me as it is for anyone else.

Life is full of challenges, and it’s true that some people have more challenges than others BUT you cannot use your challenges as a crutch.  When you do, you automatically disqualify yourself from reaching your truest destiny.

So, Stop blaming society, your past, your race, and your upbringing. Believe that you have the POWER to create  the lifestyle that you want for yourself.

Keep an open mind, let go of the past, and believe in God’s plan.

AFFIRM “I will accomplish everything I dream of, though I can’t see when or how.”

Yes, I am rich, I am abundant, I am Successful, I am in Control of my Life!

mind

Mind over Matter

Let’s not even get into feelings.

I work for a living, I’m like a machine through the week.

There’s no time for feelings about anything.

It’s tiring, but don’t complain

It’s a sacrifice that comes with making something from nothing.

And doing it alone,

Don’t bother looking for comfort anywhere outside of yourself.

My friends exist but mainly acquaintances.

I watch people take vacations and enjoy their summer freedom,

Reminding myself not to be bitter because my time is coming.

I’m working like this so that in the next 3years, I won’t have to.

My time will come. I keep taking steps toward the vision I see for myself,

Only I can see it and I know I will reach it.

Stay persistent and keep aligning your energy with your true desires.

Believe in Faith and the Power of Manifestation.

The Biggest Fear

I think my Biggest fear is that if I finally find the courage to face my fears and open up to someone, that I will be judged and rejected.

You can’t trust your emotions to everyone,

And I know I shouldn’t put myself in vulnerable situations with people I can’t trust, but it happened.

Right now, everything is becoming slippery. Needing support but acting like everything is cool…

Drinking through my Insecurities again, Now trying to face the mess I made.

I don’t do casual because I’m not casual, now when my emotions are involved.

I keep saying It’s because of stress…but when will I not be stressed?

I know this will pass, like every emotional crisis, I’ll survive it.

But what Happens next? Do I cut my losses or try to communicate…

wait it out.

Not Ok

Today was the BreakDown I tried to avoid.

Something about that place stirs up way too many memories and emotions.

I can never make it through 4 hours without tears.

I kept trying to push myself through, but I couldn’t anymore.

Everyone around me can see that I’m not really here at all.

I am so zoned out I can barely force words out of my month.

I keep working like eventually the robotic scans on my machine will make my brain stop thinking or my soul stop feeling.

I hate this place.

This is the same feeling I had when I would scream and cry in my car in the mornings before work

Then pull it together and walk into the building with a smile.

I’m sick of faking like I’m ok.

Some days I am, but some days I’m just not.

I don’t really know how to interact with people when I’m not.

I hate wearing my pain so visibly, but

I am only Human and still learning to be ok.

Here I Am.

This is Me

Here I am.

I’m starting completely over again

Building myself from the ground up

I’m juggling so much by myself 

And still trying to be happy…

It’s a game of Survival

People come and go and everyone has their opinion of who they THINK I am,

But at the end of the day, why should I fear anyone but God?

I can’t let people Bring Me Down.

I Release those Fears