I hate that it feels like my race and gender is tied to being….underadvantaged, unequal, and underestimated.
Everywhere I go, I have no choice but to notice the top and bottom. Who is on the top? Who always seems to be in authority?
Who is always the employee?
I’m sick of being on the bottom, always struggling, fighting for opportunities that others can experience freely.
I want to travel, speak multiple languages, climb mountains, fly on an airplane, surf, ride a motorcyle, perform on Broadway.
Why does it feel like these things are unheard of for a person like me?
I want to see positive examples of myself in the media. I want to see myself as a superhero, Business woman, Leader.
Not the stripper, babymama, or the angry black woman.
No matter how hard it gets, I know that I can’t settle for the low status that society tries to keep me in. Even if I have to work twice as hard, I will reach the top of this glass ceiling and then burst through it.
My soul craves Expression, Inspiration, Connection, Energy….I find it in music, in movement, in Nature.
When I’m not performing or expressing myself, I feel bitter, bored, depressed and dissapointed. There’s so much desire still locked inside. I need to breath life into my desires. Do what I feel, feel what I do, and Love it.
I’m Reaching the point in my career where people see my talent and everyone wants a piece… the problem is that people are only looking out for themselves. At first it sounds like a great opportunity for exposure, but I now realize the truth. People want to use me as a dancer/choreographer to make their productions better. It’s not about me at all. They don’t realize or even care about how hard it is for me to sacrifice the time to put dances together while I’m working every day. They think they are doing me a favor, but they don’t realize that I am already a professional paid dance instructor and Choreographer. I don’t need to jump at every opportunity people throw at me, especially people who aren’t even offering to pay me.
I know that it’s good to help people and be suportive, but it’s time to look out for myself. I’ll be 26 next month and I have enough challenges trying to build a career as a performer. I’m done with giving my time to others just to be supportive. I have my own dreams and visions that I need to put into action, but I keep pushing them aside by giving away the little time I have off.
It’s time to start thinking and acting like a Professional Artist. It’s time to start focusing on what I want not what other people want from me. It’s time to let go of extra commitments and prioritize my goals as a performing artist. I have to start saying no to things that don’t line up with my vision. It’s not to be mean. It’s the only way I will ever get to where I want to be.
This Year I can feel that it’s time to shift into a new season. I’m shifting away from survival mode and into Desire. It’s time to start manifesting the life of my dreams.
I’m tired of counting down the days until I can breathe again. I want to enjoy my life, my body, my money, my career, and my journey. The life I desire requires more! More creating, more inspiration, more connection, more expression.
I Give Myself permission to take it to the next level!
I am taking the necessary steps to create the Life I Desire.