Clearly UnDefined….

 

Day to day I feel trapped in a Multiplicity of Self…

At times, I am proud of myself, but other times I’m ashamed of my flaws.

I am a kind, loving person but I push people away when they get too close.

Some days I am so inspired, I feel I can do anything. Some days I feel like I’m in over my head.

Some days I feel everything. Some days I am completely numb, just existing.

Some days I feel relaxed and comfortable with people. Some days I feel tense and impatient.

Why am I so complicated? Why can’t I just be the real Me all the time?

How do I get my mind, body, and emotions all on the same page?? To express my true feelings without the need to cover up.

How do I express myself on the days that I feel empty?? I am not a negative person. I know this is a battle I have to keep fighting.

When I become unbalanced, everything falls apart until I realign.

Until I can be the Real Me in every context, I remain emotionally unavailable. It has nothing to do with others, and everything to do with me and my multiplicity of selves…

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Confessions of a “Minority”

I’m not going to spend my life being a Color.

I hate that it feels like my race and gender is tied to being….underadvantaged, unequal, and underestimated.

Everywhere I go, I have no choice but to notice the top and bottom. Who is on the top?  Who always seems to be in authority?

Who is always the employee?

I’m sick of being on the bottom, always struggling, fighting for opportunities that others can experience freely.

I want to travel, speak multiple languages, climb mountains, fly on an airplane, surf, ride a motorcyle, perform on Broadway.

Why does it feel like these things are unheard of for a person like me?

I want to see positive examples of myself in the media. I want to see myself as a superhero, Business woman, Leader.

Not the stripper, babymama, or the angry black woman.

No matter how hard it gets, I know that I can’t settle for the low status that society tries to keep me in. Even if I have to work twice as hard, I will reach the top of this glass ceiling and then burst through it.

Season of Change

imageThis Year I can feel that it’s time to shift into a new season. I’m shifting away from survival mode and into Desire. It’s time to start manifesting the life of my dreams.

I’m tired of counting down the days until I can breathe again. I want to enjoy my life, my body, my money, my career, and my journey. The life I desire requires more! More creating, more inspiration, more connection, more expression.

I Give Myself permission to take it to the next level!

I am taking the necessary steps to create the Life I Desire.

YES‼ I Lenda V.L. WON the January 2017 Lotto Jackpot‼000 4 3 13 7 11:11 22UNIVERSE PLEASE HELP ME NOWTHANK YOU:

FRee SpiRit

free-spirit

I accept my path as a Free Spirit Artist. I am not meant to be tied down by my job, my family, or my location.I don’t need relationships or labels. Long term commitments make me feel suffocated and trapped. I belong to no one. I am not meant to stay in one place. In every season of my life,  I learn what I need to and then it’s time for me to move on.  I am constantly evolving. I change my job, I change my friends, I change my style, I change my mind. I welcome my present source of inspiration. I let go of negative energy that binds me down. I love having time to myself. Being alone does not make me feel lonely. It brings me peace.  I need space to move, breathe and just be myself.

Don't live by what others will think! Once you stop caring, the world opens up to you!:

Your Daily Walk

Marianne Williamson Quote on Self Acceptance | Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Don’t worry about what people think. This is Your Daily Walk.

It’s better to be rejected by Humans than rejected by God.

God’s will is the greatest force in my life. God is leading and directing me into my destiny. I submit to God’s will. With my life in my own hands, things fall apart, but God’s ways are higher than mine. I can’t see all the answers, but God knows what’s best for me right now and in my future.

John 15:5-I am the Vine, You are the Branches. Those who remain in me and I in them will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.

Trust. Believe. Receive. Shine

9.16.12

9-16-12

Four years ago my life was different. As a person, I was more focused on pleasing people than doing what was right for me. As a dancer, I felt the need to conform to an image that was given to me rather than being true to my own identity. I was so focused on money and attention that I put myself in a dangerous situation and I paid the consequences. Since then, I’ve learned from my past and decided that I will Never value people, money, or attention above my peace, happiness or well being again.

My Journey to Self Love begins…