Inside my Mind

My anxiety makes me doubt and question everything, even things I know are true. I try to be positive and not expect the worst, but When things turn out well, I am always surprised.

My Add Mind makes it hard to listen to people speak, hard to follow instructions, and hard to follow my own thoughts sometimes. I have many goals, but I haven’t learned to stick with just one Thing at a time. I don’t know if it’s possible. If I’m not doing a hundred things at once, then it feels like I’m not doing enough.

My depression just makes me want to be alone. Some days There’s a lingering pain of loneliness, but it’s hard to explain to others why you’re sad for no reason. I keep myself busy so I don’t have time to feel, but sometimes it catches up with me. Drinking doesn’t help, but it’s still my medication of choice.

I accomplish goals, but always the hard way because of the way my mind works. Sometimes there are obvious solutions to simple problems, but I wonder around in circles making things harder than necessary.

How do I feel about myself? I have my ups and downs… I am a perfectionist. It’s hard to love and accept myself with so many kinks and quirks. I always feel that I want to be better. I’m disappointed when I realize I cannot “fix” myself.

I struggle to love myself because I don’t want to be like this.

I’m always in a hurry, I’m impatient, irritable, I isolate myself because it feels easier to deal with this baggage alone.

I’ve dealt with these issues forever, even before I knew what they were called, but now I’m living in a new place in a new relationship. There’s much more at stake. Now, I am forced to see the many ways my mental habits affect my life and my partner’s.

This year I want to get help. I want to learn how to be a whole, functional person. I want to stop repeating self destructive habits. I want to be in Control of my emotions. But even if I never get it all together, I want to learn to love and accept myself for who I am.

I am not broken, just flawed like every other human on this Earth.

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Please Understand

What happens when you experience something that you’re not ready for?

You can’t understand it so you can’t talk about it.

And No one can explain it to you.

These aren’t just habits. This is how I’ve learned to cope.

This is how I feel Im ok or in control.

These are my secrets, my demons, my ghosts.

Clearly UnDefined….

 

Day to day I feel trapped in a Multiplicity of Self…

At times, I am proud of myself, but other times I’m ashamed of my flaws.

I am a kind, loving person but I push people away when they get too close.

Some days I am so inspired, I feel I can do anything. Some days I feel like I’m in over my head.

Some days I feel everything. Some days I am completely numb, just existing.

Some days I feel relaxed and comfortable with people. Some days I feel tense and impatient.

Why am I so complicated? Why can’t I just be the real Me all the time?

How do I get my mind, body, and emotions all on the same page?? To express my true feelings without the need to cover up.

How do I express myself on the days that I feel empty?? I am not a negative person. I know this is a battle I have to keep fighting.

When I become unbalanced, everything falls apart until I realign.

Until I can be the Real Me in every context, I remain emotionally unavailable. It has nothing to do with others, and everything to do with me and my multiplicity of selves…

 

 

 

 

Focus on YOU.

“Don’t worry about them. Let them worry about you.” Unknown

I have a tendency to spend way too much time worrying about Perception.It’s not intentional, but the thought is always in the back of my mind. Through the years, I’ve found myself obsessing over people and spending more time worrying about what people think of me than understanding what I think of myself! I realized that this is a serious problem for me and it is something I need to learn to work though in order to live a life of true happiness and freedom. But I’ve been this way for so long, I don’t know how to break free from this mental obstacle.

One night, after going through a painful separation from someone I loved, I had a dream that gave me the answer I needed. In this dream,  I was looking at myself in a mirror and I heard my own voice speaking, “Don’t Focus on People, Focus on the Goal.” Since then, that has been a personal mantra for me. Every time I feel myself starting to get hyper focused on perception, I pull it back in and remind myself of a few things…

  1. Whatever  people think of me is beyond my control.
  2. It doesn’t matter what people think of me because I know Who I Am.
  3. Forget about people-What do YOU want?
  4. It’s not my job to be a People pleaser. My only job is to be Myself. Acceptance...:

Daily Intentions

My yoga practice is essential to my life.

It helps me  to center my restless thoughts and connect my mind, body, and spirit.

Yoga is a channel to my spiritual energy.

I start each day with an intention in mind. Through prayer and meditation, I spend a few minutes connecting to my  spirit and focusing on my intention. Through yoga, I begin to practice my intention by Receiving Positive energy and Releasing negativity.

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As I  inhale and lift the chest towards the sky, I am opening my heart towards my source to receive Spiritual energy. As I exhale and drop my head towards the Earth,  I am letting go, releasing my physical limitations. This concept of  lifting  and lowering the chest are the basis for most of the yoga movements in my practice.

The breath is what connects the movement and intention.  With each opening breath, I am receiving Love, Joy, Peace and Grace. With each exhale, I am releasing Fear, Anxiety, Tension, and any other form of negative energy that I need to let go of.

Since beginning this daily practice, I have had so much more peace, energy, and focus throughout my entire day. This helps me with communicating with people at work, focusing and being present in dance class, and even being more mindful in the quiet, in between moments.

My Yoga Practice helps me with every single aspect of performing. As I am singing, dancing, and acting, I am mindful of my intention, breath, and focus. As a daily  practice, I am reaching a higher level each day. Things that used to be difficult to perform, I can now do with ease because I’m able to shift my mindset and let go of the fearful, anxious thoughts that tell me I cannot do it.

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I.LET.GO

release

I Let Go of …

Trying to change, trying to fix, trying to be perfect, trying to hold on to brokenness, trying to do it all, trying to please, trying to be everything to everyone, trying to control things beyond my control.

I Let Go of..

My fears-fear of the unknown, fear of perception, fear of rejection, fear of lack, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of judgment, fear of disapproval,  fear of vulnerability.

I Let Go of…

My expectations, insecurities, self-doubt, self condemnation, self sabotage, bitterness, jealousy, drama, over-thinking, worrying, expecting too much.

I let Go of shame, guilt, and pain.

I let Go because I am drained and stressed out of my mind, and that is NOT WHO I AM MEANT TO BE.

I was called TO BE FREE.

Let go and Start Living.
be free

I am Enough.

Let go of the expectation to be perfect, to be better, or to be anything other than who You are right now.

It’s ok to not have it all together. You are a constant work in progress.

You are perfectly imperfect.

But that doesn’t mean you are unstable or dysfunctional, and it doesn’t mean you are unworthy.

You are worthy now! You don’t need to change. You don’t need to be more.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Start embracing who you are right now. Love yourself, Forgive yourself, Accept yourself and Be proud of Who You are!

you are enough

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