Clearly UnDefined….

 

Day to day I feel trapped in a Multiplicity of Self…

At times, I am proud of myself, but other times I’m ashamed of my flaws.

I am a kind, loving person but I push people away when they get too close.

Some days I am so inspired, I feel I can do anything. Some days I feel like I’m in over my head.

Some days I feel everything. Some days I am completely numb, just existing.

Some days I feel relaxed and comfortable with people. Some days I feel tense and impatient.

Why am I so complicated? Why can’t I just be the real Me all the time?

How do I get my mind, body, and emotions all on the same page?? To express my true feelings without the need to cover up.

How do I express myself on the days that I feel empty?? I am not a negative person. I know this is a battle I have to keep fighting.

When I become unbalanced, everything falls apart until I realign.

Until I can be the Real Me in every context, I remain emotionally unavailable. It has nothing to do with others, and everything to do with me and my multiplicity of selves…

 

 

 

 

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Focus on YOU.

“Don’t worry about them. Let them worry about you.” Unknown

I have a tendency to spend way too much time worrying about Perception.It’s not intentional, but the thought is always in the back of my mind. Through the years, I’ve found myself obsessing over people and spending more time worrying about what people think of me than understanding what I think of myself! I realized that this is a serious problem for me and it is something I need to learn to work though in order to live a life of true happiness and freedom. But I’ve been this way for so long, I don’t know how to break free from this mental obstacle.

One night, after going through a painful separation from someone I loved, I had a dream that gave me the answer I needed. In this dream,  I was looking at myself in a mirror and I heard my own voice speaking, “Don’t Focus on People, Focus on the Goal.” Since then, that has been a personal mantra for me. Every time I feel myself starting to get hyper focused on perception, I pull it back in and remind myself of a few things…

  1. Whatever  people think of me is beyond my control.
  2. It doesn’t matter what people think of me because I know Who I Am.
  3. Forget about people-What do YOU want?
  4. It’s not my job to be a People pleaser. My only job is to be Myself. Acceptance...:

Daily Intentions

My yoga practice is essential to my life.

It helps me  to center my restless thoughts and connect my mind, body, and spirit.

Yoga is a channel to my spiritual energy.

I start each day with an intention in mind. Through prayer and meditation, I spend a few minutes connecting to my  spirit and focusing on my intention. Through yoga, I begin to practice my intention by Receiving Positive energy and Releasing negativity.

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As I  inhale and lift the chest towards the sky, I am opening my heart towards my source to receive Spiritual energy. As I exhale and drop my head towards the Earth,  I am letting go, releasing my physical limitations. This concept of  lifting  and lowering the chest are the basis for most of the yoga movements in my practice.

The breath is what connects the movement and intention.  With each opening breath, I am receiving Love, Joy, Peace and Grace. With each exhale, I am releasing Fear, Anxiety, Tension, and any other form of negative energy that I need to let go of.

Since beginning this daily practice, I have had so much more peace, energy, and focus throughout my entire day. This helps me with communicating with people at work, focusing and being present in dance class, and even being more mindful in the quiet, in between moments.

My Yoga Practice helps me with every single aspect of performing. As I am singing, dancing, and acting, I am mindful of my intention, breath, and focus. As a daily  practice, I am reaching a higher level each day. Things that used to be difficult to perform, I can now do with ease because I’m able to shift my mindset and let go of the fearful, anxious thoughts that tell me I cannot do it.

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I.LET.GO

release

I Let Go of …

Trying to change, trying to fix, trying to be perfect, trying to hold on to brokenness, trying to do it all, trying to please, trying to be everything to everyone, trying to control things beyond my control.

I Let Go of..

My fears-fear of the unknown, fear of perception, fear of rejection, fear of lack, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of judgment, fear of disapproval,  fear of vulnerability.

I Let Go of…

My expectations, insecurities, self-doubt, self condemnation, self sabotage, bitterness, jealousy, drama, over-thinking, worrying, expecting too much.

I let Go of shame, guilt, and pain.

I let Go because I am drained and stressed out of my mind, and that is NOT WHO I AM MEANT TO BE.

I was called TO BE FREE.

Let go and Start Living.
be free

I am Enough.

Let go of the expectation to be perfect, to be better, or to be anything other than who You are right now.

It’s ok to not have it all together. You are a constant work in progress.

You are perfectly imperfect.

But that doesn’t mean you are unstable or dysfunctional, and it doesn’t mean you are unworthy.

You are worthy now! You don’t need to change. You don’t need to be more.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Start embracing who you are right now. Love yourself, Forgive yourself, Accept yourself and Be proud of Who You are!

you are enough

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Anxiety

Does a person diagnosed with a mental condition (depression, ADHD, OCD) always have this condition? Can it be cured or only treated?

I discussed this a few days ago with a mental health therapist. She was explaining the difference between a mental health therapist and a behavioral health therapists. In her line of work, she deals with young people diagnosed with conditions such as ADD, ADHD, OCD, and ODD. A behavioral therapist helps patients deal with the behaviors that occur from these conditions, but it does not cure the condition itself.

So the question is,  when a person learns to manage their behaviors through medication and/or therapy, does the condition ever leave?

For example, a person with ADD may work very hard with treatment and  get to the point where  they no longer need therapy or medication, but does that mean they are no longer diagnosed with ADD?

This question made me think about my own mental health. I am not diagnosed with any mental health conditions, but through my life I have struggled with depression and  anxiety. When I was a teenager,  I struggled with depression off and on because of things that happened in my past. I would replay painful experiences over and over in my mind and relive the feelings. Back then,  I didn’t know how to turn the thoughts off, so I  would sink down deeper.

Anxiety causes my mind to be restless and filled with worried, fearful thoughts. Physically, it is hard for me to rest, sleep and sometimes eat when I’m feeling pressured.  I know that anxiety, depression, and alcoholism runs on both sides of my family.  Before I understood it, I would fall into the same negative behavior patterns-shutting down, panicking over situations, and drinking too much trying to cover up my emotions.

Through the years, I’ve started to understand what causes my anxiety/depression and how it affects my moods and decisions. I’ve taken steps towards overcoming my anxious behaviors as best I can. I’m learning to stop using alcohol as a coping device and work through my emotions in a healthy way. I  try to keep my mind body and spirit filled with peace and positivity through prayer, worship and study, yoga, and music. I spend a lot of time in nature praying and meditating. I also try to be as physically active as possible to help the restlessness.  My creative outlets- dance, music, and writing are really what keep me sane.  These are not just things I enjoy but things I need in order to keep myself  balanced and away from negative habits. I know my stress triggers and when I feel myself becoming overwhelmed, I try to step back and do what I need to do to re-balance myself. 

In response to the question earlier, is the anxiety still there?

Occasionally a long period of time will go by where I feel very calm and peaceful then all of a sudden something will happen that throws me into panic mode or into that dark, heavy haze. Without realizing, I go back to those old behaviors-moving so fast that I can’t remember what I’m doing, drinking too much, and not able to sleep.

I used to be caught off guard when it resurfaced.I would be surprised because I thought I had dealt with the issue so it should be gone.  It has taken time, experience, and maturity to understand that you cannot just cure or fix a person’s emotional/mental state.  The condition is always there, but it might lay dormant until triggered.

My conclusion, Anxiety will always be a challenge for me because that’s just part of the way I am wired. At times I still have a tendency to worry too much, overthink situations, and stress myself out over small things, but I have learned positive coping devices to manage these behaviors. Anxiety may be a part of me, but I am not defined by it and it does not rule me. I am in control of my thoughts,emotions, and actions.  When I hear the voices of negativity whispering to me, I choose not to listen. Instead I filled my mind with positive thoughts, affirmations, and scriptures.

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