Living your Dreams should be A Right, not something reserved for the Privileged….
But the reality is, I can’t afford to live my dreams here.
Maybe this mentality is my problem…I see others living their Dreams and I compare…Im just as talented. Why can’t I have it?
The ones on the top are already professional dancers and entertainers living in The heart of the city, where all the opportunities are.
Meanwhile, I’m homeless, working 2 Jobs, and trying to finish school so I can actually sustain my Dance Dreams.
The irony is that I came to NY to be in a Dance program. but I can’t afford tuition. I dont even know how I can make the time while I’m still working like crazy just to live.
Maybe I need to learn to live my Dreams on a smaller scale?
Reality has a way of Humbling me.
Breaking me to my knees,
Sreaming in my face…
“Wake Up Cinderella!”
I’m trying to stop jumping the gun. I keep trying to make things happen before it’s time…I’m a control freak.
I’m trying to stop setting my expectations so high, it’s a setup for disappointment. Things in my life are never the way I see them in my mind.
Why do Dreams Manifest so slowly?
It’s hard to break these habits because I want what I want so badly. It feels like I’ve been waiting my whole life… Every day I pray for strength, patience, and peace. There never seems to be enough.
I’m trying to let Go and let God lead. I’m trying…Pray for me.
What Have I learned since I moved to NYC two months ago?
1. This is a year of transition… Challenges and complications are part of the process. I’m still learning to face my challenges with a confident attitude instead of an irritated, defeated one. Although it is mentally/emotionally, and physically draining at times, I have to remain inspired. Starting over and moving here was my own decision. I have to remember my reasons for that.
2. Pace Yourself…. I came here with a lot of major goals-Participate in a Pro. Dance program, Audition, live on my own, work, go back to school. After the first month, I realized that my financial situation will not allow me to accomplish all of these goals at the same time.
Now how do I adjust, re-focus and stay inspired without allowing disappointment to take over my mind and emotions?
3. Be Consistent….Every day I feel impatient with where I am in life. I want to speed things up to the way they are in my mind…I want to make drastic changes. I don’t want to sit around and wait for the changes to come in their own time. I want to do more and more instead of remaining fully focused on reaching the goals I’m already working towards.
How do I learn to be content with where I am, develop a consistent attitude without changing my mind and turning to bad habits when life gets stressful?
How can I be more patient and accepting of myself and my journey?
I’ve reached the point where I no longer feel afraid in my skin. I can embrace myself as an aspiring artist, teacher, dancer, androgynous, black, female Boss on a mission to be sucessful in all I do.
I’ve dealt with the pain of rejection, heartbreak, and loneliness for my whole life. In the end, it’s the reason I am strong enough to stand on my own.
So be afraid of who? For what?
I didn’t move to NY to live afraid. I came here because I am Ready to give it all to live my dream. I have the confidence that I can do whatever I set my mind to.
What’s the worst that can happen to me? Someone thinks I am untalented? Oh well, I know who I am and I have nothing to prove. The only competition is against myself. The only limitations are my own beliefs.
My dreams have always been there to protect me, guide me, and push me to better.
Dreams give me visions of hope in the darkest places. My dreams are everything I can’t put in words.
At times, it drives me crazy that it’s only in my head. These visions are so strong, I can’t hold them inside any longer.
I’m ready to bring it to life.
I’ve got to get through this. Lately, I’m finding myself frustrated with every part of my life.
With Dance, I can’t seem to stop judging and comparing myself to the people around me. I feel like a stand out because of my age and race…My insecurities are affecting my confidence and my attitude. I just want to be successful so badly that I’m pressuring myself and expecting too much too soon. I’m feeling stressed instead of having fun expressing myself.
I really need to relax.
I’m at the point where I’m frustrated with everything around me here…Everywhere I turn I’m surrounded by dead end jobs, everyone struggling to make ends meet, the same old situations never improving, limited opportunities, mediocrity..
For some, it’s easier to remain in misery than to work towards change.
For me, the pressure is enough to push me into success. I refuse to keep living like this, working two jobs just to pay bills and barely having the time for my Art.
I can’t accept this. We went to college and earned degrees. We deserve more than this. Staying here is Not an Option! Leaving is the only way to gain the career and life I deserve. I’m working, training, and counting the days until I can say goodbye to this place.