Clearly UnDefined….

 

Day to day I feel trapped in a Multiplicity of Self…

At times, I am proud of myself, but other times I’m ashamed of my flaws.

I am a kind, loving person but I push people away when they get too close.

Some days I am so inspired, I feel I can do anything. Some days I feel like I’m in over my head.

Some days I feel everything. Some days I am completely numb, just existing.

Some days I feel relaxed and comfortable with people. Some days I feel tense and impatient.

Why am I so complicated? Why can’t I just be the real Me all the time?

How do I get my mind, body, and emotions all on the same page?? To express my true feelings without the need to cover up.

How do I express myself on the days that I feel empty?? I am not a negative person. I know this is a battle I have to keep fighting.

When I become unbalanced, everything falls apart until I realign.

Until I can be the Real Me in every context, I remain emotionally unavailable. It has nothing to do with others, and everything to do with me and my multiplicity of selves…

 

 

 

 

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FRee Spirit LOve?

Up until recently I thought of myself as a Free Spirit… Then a new friend brought up that I am actually high strung. I was irritated at first, but I knew she had valid points.

Since I moved to NY, I’ve been in constant work mode, It’s hard to relax…Rent is outrageously high, I don’t have my own place yet, I need a Second job, and I’m starting school next week. Most of my day when I’m not working is spent traveling / navigating around the City so by the end of the day I’m exhausted. With all that, I’ve barely had the time and energy to do the thing I came here to do…. DANCE!

I’m trying my best to calm it down, but I know I have a tendency to make things even more complicated by trying to do everything myself. Yesterday, most of my day consisted of trying to meet up with my friend in Central Park. We started at 1 and we didn’t find each other until 5….. So many things went wrong, But instead of going with simple solutions to make things faster, I insisted on trying to figure it out myself. What started as a leisurely Sunday afternoon ended up being a complicated, exhausting journey. Needless to say, I had the worst attitude by the time my friend met up with me…

She talked with me about it and told me to stop being so hard on myself (by that time I was going on a full rant about all the time I wasted by going to the wrong location). We went back and forth for a while, But I had to admit she was right…. 

Yes, I can be very high strung and complicated for no reason… My mind just works that way. 

So how do I get back to being my old, carefree and Free Spirited Self??

Maybe I need to accept my own limitations and Stop trying to do it all on my own.

Maybe I should try to be more patient with myself and learn to enjoy the journey rather than fixating on the outcome.

Maybe I need to stop fighting against my own emotions and admit that I Really Like this Girl!

Maybe I just need to Stop trying to control everything and Just Let it Happen (as long as it’s not leading to danger or harm of course).

Those things are all easier said than done…But Today is a new Day and I’m going to try my best.

Peace, Love, Happiness

Shenise G.

Finding Balance- The Art of Self Care

The physical world is so full of demands, it feels like balance is hard to find and even harder to maintain. Between work and commitments to family and friends, it’s easy to push your own personal needs aside. But you must learn to value your own Emotional and Mental health above everything else .

How do you remain balanced when your energy is being pulled in so many different directions??

This year juggling three jobs, multiple shows, and my own personal issues was a daily struggle. I learned that The more you  share your energy with everyone around you, the more people begin to want and expect your energy.  People are drawn to  and can even become dependent on your positive energy.

But what happens when you are burnt out?

Eventually, it becomes draining to constantly be the motivator, especially when your own emotional needs aren’t being fulfilled. After a while, it felt like I was giving my energy away to everyone else around me and there was none left for myself. I started to feel angry and resentful towards the people around me. They expected me to smile and laugh all day long,  but they had no Idea how frustrated and depressed I really felt. Some days felt like I was just playing a role for the sake of those around me.

In order to keep your peace of mind, you have to prioritize your own mental and emotional needs.   It’s ok to draw boundaries, it is ok to have time to yourself.

It is okay to not be ok. 

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Ego v. Spirit Balance

Ego vs Spirit. Enjoyed and repinned by yogapad.com.au

When I’m connected to my Spirit, I feel at peace, full of faith, patience and positivity. When obstacles come, I can face them with a positive attitude… but there’s another voice battling inside me.

Ego-Physical, Fast paced, Stubborn,  Independent, Judgmental, Insecure, Anxious, Non-trusting

Spirit-Intuitive, slow moving, Connected, humble, Positive, Peaceful, Confident, Accepting, Trusting

In short, The Ego is self-destructive. Spirit is everything I want to be. I want to live free, not bound by my emotions- I want to live a happy, successful life full of positive, healthy relationships.  For me, Spiritual balance is as essential as water. It is a mindset, an attitude, and a lifestyle.

The balance between Ego and Spirit is the difference between a happy life and a miserable life. 

 

 

 

Spiritual Warrior

When your soul starts to feel weary, Remember it’s never been easy…And it never will be.

But you are a Spiritual Warrior. To get where you are, you had to fight for your Dreams, Your Identity, and your Sanity.

You must continue fighting for your Peace, for Your happiness, and for your Destiny.

Stay Alert and Keep a Sober Mind! Keep your 3rd eye open, There are snakes in the grass. Distractions are everywhere-Fatigue and stress will make you feel there is no hope. You must stay connected with your Spiritual Energy. Then you will know that it is possible to achieve all your Dreams.

Humble Yourself-Remaining Patient through the Process

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“Humble Yourself Under God’s Mighty Hand that He may lift you up in due time.” 1Pet.5:6

There’s a war raging inside my mind right now. I am not where I want to be. I want to be successful so badly I am telling myself to do whatever it takes, even if that means pushing past my limits until exhaustion….but the more I push myself, the more my mind and adrenaline kick in and tell me that I cannot rest or slow down. I’m getting to the point where I can’t sit still, my  mind is cluttered, I’m drinking more, and I have to force myself to rest at the end of the day. I’m moving so fast, that I’m making impulsive decisions rather than acting with peaceful clarity. I’m trying to do it all because it  feels like I’m not moving fast enough…Anxiety mode

I’m anxious because I’m 25 and I know that this is my time to move into my next level. My spirit knows to be patient and to Trust God as I  Trust my Journey. Deep down I know that I cannot rush the process.  I need to give myself the time I need to prepare. But at the same time, I am running out of patience.  I’m trying to increase the speed of my life so that I don’t have time to focus on my reality,  which is… I’m still here living in my hometown with my family, working a full time job that I don’t belong in, still struggling to pay bills and save money from month to month. I feel alone. Even though I am not the only struggling artist here, I wish there were more of us. I wish there were more professional training opportunities for me here, but I realize that professional training for adults does not exist here.

I am a positive person, but there are days when it’s just hard to feel inspired. I know from experience that when anxiety and negativity start building up like this,  I need to RE-focus and RE-charge. The reality of my life as a working artist is that I am ALWAYS fighting between being patient and accepting of my current place and feeling frustrated, stressed, and stuck in my current place.  This week, my anxious thoughts and emotions started to over-ride my truth, causing me to lose my Peace.

To go back to my truth, I must continue to find a  peaceful balance between all of my goals and desimg_0051ires.  I know that I need to slow myself down and stick to the plan. I have to constantly remind myself that I am doing enough right now with teaching, choreographing, practicing, performing, and working. I cannot do EVERYTHING all at once. Although I’m always excited for more opportunities, I have to start focusing and prioritizing the ones that will  help me reach my ultimate goal. Most importantly, I have to continue to train my mind and spirit as I am training my body. This means, keeping prayer, meditation, and mindfulness a priority each day so that I can live in a state of peace rather than a frantic frenzy.

Spiritual Destiny 


I am more than my physical appearance. I am more than my gifts and talents. I am a living soul and spirit.
I accept that I am a complex being made of mind, body, spirit, and soul. I understand that my greater purpose is to live through each of these dimensions by finding balance and harmony among each part.

You cannot separate your spiritual destiny from your physical journey, Everything is connected.