Living your Dreams should be A Right, not something reserved for the Privileged….
But the reality is, I can’t afford to live my dreams here.
Maybe this mentality is my problem…I see others living their Dreams and I compare…Im just as talented. Why can’t I have it?
The ones on the top are already professional dancers and entertainers living in The heart of the city, where all the opportunities are.
Meanwhile, I’m homeless, working 2 Jobs, and trying to finish school so I can actually sustain my Dance Dreams.
The irony is that I came to NY to be in a Dance program. but I can’t afford tuition. I dont even know how I can make the time while I’m still working like crazy just to live.
Maybe I need to learn to live my Dreams on a smaller scale?
Reality has a way of Humbling me.
Breaking me to my knees,
Sreaming in my face…
“Wake Up Cinderella!”
I’m trying to stop jumping the gun. I keep trying to make things happen before it’s time…I’m a control freak.
I’m trying to stop setting my expectations so high, it’s a setup for disappointment. Things in my life are never the way I see them in my mind.
Why do Dreams Manifest so slowly?
It’s hard to break these habits because I want what I want so badly. It feels like I’ve been waiting my whole life… Every day I pray for strength, patience, and peace. There never seems to be enough.
I’m trying to let Go and let God lead. I’m trying…Pray for me.
What Have I learned since I moved to NYC two months ago?
1. This is a year of transition… Challenges and complications are part of the process. I’m still learning to face my challenges with a confident attitude instead of an irritated, defeated one. Although it is mentally/emotionally, and physically draining at times, I have to remain inspired. Starting over and moving here was my own decision. I have to remember my reasons for that.
2. Pace Yourself…. I came here with a lot of major goals-Participate in a Pro. Dance program, Audition, live on my own, work, go back to school. After the first month, I realized that my financial situation will not allow me to accomplish all of these goals at the same time.
Now how do I adjust, re-focus and stay inspired without allowing disappointment to take over my mind and emotions?
3. Be Consistent….Every day I feel impatient with where I am in life. I want to speed things up to the way they are in my mind…I want to make drastic changes. I don’t want to sit around and wait for the changes to come in their own time. I want to do more and more instead of remaining fully focused on reaching the goals I’m already working towards.
How do I learn to be content with where I am, develop a consistent attitude without changing my mind and turning to bad habits when life gets stressful?
How can I be more patient and accepting of myself and my journey?
I’m not going to spend my life being a Color.
I hate that it feels like my race and gender is tied to being….underadvantaged, unequal, and underestimated.
Everywhere I go, I have no choice but to notice the top and bottom. Who is on the top? Who always seems to be in authority?
Who is always the employee?
I’m sick of being on the bottom, always struggling, fighting for opportunities that others can experience freely.
I want to travel, speak multiple languages, climb mountains, fly on an airplane, surf, ride a motorcyle, perform on Broadway.
Why does it feel like these things are unheard of for a person like me?
I want to see positive examples of myself in the media. I want to see myself as a superhero, Business woman, Leader.
Not the stripper, babymama, or the angry black woman.
No matter how hard it gets, I know that I can’t settle for the low status that society tries to keep me in. Even if I have to work twice as hard, I will reach the top of this glass ceiling and then burst through it.
My dreams have always been there to protect me, guide me, and push me to better.
Dreams give me visions of hope in the darkest places. My dreams are everything I can’t put in words.
At times, it drives me crazy that it’s only in my head. These visions are so strong, I can’t hold them inside any longer.
I’m ready to bring it to life.
With each day I know that this is the beginning of a new season. I can’t find peace in anything anymore. There’s only emptiness and brokenness left here. I try so hard to keep myself from sinking down into it every day. I’m fighting so hard to keep my dreams alive and I’m glad that I made it this far, but I don’t feel like I’m living my life yet.
I’m tired of just getting by, accepting whatever life hands me, finding the tiniest glimpses of happiness once in a rare blue moon.
I feel trapped and isolated and I’m tired of feeling like this. I have to be courageous and ambitious enough to build the life I dream of rather than accept the second rate life I’ve been given. The longer I’m here, the more bitter and resentful I become. It’s been 10 years.. I finally realize that staying here is holding me back from the life I could be living.
I just want to be happy, that’s the only thing I’ve ever really wanted.
Stop Believing that you are powerless and forced to accept a second rate life. You have the power to achieve any goal you set your mind to.
This Year I can feel that it’s time to shift into a new season. I’m shifting away from survival mode and into Desire. It’s time to start manifesting the life of my dreams.
I’m tired of counting down the days until I can breathe again. I want to enjoy my life, my body, my money, my career, and my journey. The life I desire requires more! More creating, more inspiration, more connection, more expression.
I Give Myself permission to take it to the next level!
I am taking the necessary steps to create the Life I Desire.