Maybe it’s better that I dont have friends. This is a reoccuring issue. I’m the one who pushes people away, then wonder why I’m alone.
Sometimes I just need time and Space to process. My mind gets overwhelmed and I stop smiling, stop talking because all I can do is Breathe to keep myself from breaking down. I don’t mean to shut down but I still do it.
I wish I could communicate that in a respectful way, but I still haven’t learned…. I get it, sorry isn’t enough sometimes. If I lose another friend, I know it’s on me.
By now I’ve learned to tell myself that even without friends, I’ll be successful. Maybe it’s better this way. I hate to bring other people down with my issues. This is something I have to deal with on my own.
With each day I know that this is the beginning of a new season. I can’t find peace in anything anymore. There’s only emptiness and brokenness left here. I try so hard to keep myself from sinking down into it every day. I’m fighting so hard to keep my dreams alive and I’m glad that I made it this far, but I don’t feel like I’m living my life yet.
I’m tired of just getting by, accepting whatever life hands me, finding the tiniest glimpses of happiness once in a rare blue moon.
I feel trapped and isolated and I’m tired of feeling like this. I have to be courageous and ambitious enough to build the life I dream of rather than accept the second rate life I’ve been given. The longer I’m here, the more bitter and resentful I become. It’s been 10 years.. I finally realize that staying here is holding me back from the life I could be living.
I just want to be happy, that’s the only thing I’ve ever really wanted.
Stop Believing that you are powerless and forced to accept a second rate life. You have the power to achieve any goal you set your mind to.
[feeling jaded and bitter]
Everyone around me expects positivity but my patience is fading. I’m tired of forcing myself through each day.
I can’t breathe between my thoughts, I can’t see between my tears. I can’t believe how long I’ve been unhappy.
Im going to lose my mind if I dont move on from here.
Searching for what I never find…
My soul craves Expression, Inspiration, Connection, Energy….I find it in music, in movement, in Nature.
When I’m not performing or expressing myself, I feel bitter, bored, depressed and dissapointed. There’s so much desire still locked inside. I need to breath life into my desires. Do what I feel, feel what I do, and Love it.
When I was younger, I could not understand why people seem to come and go throughout my life. I did not understand relationships and the value they added to my existence. Through my spiritual journey, I’ve been able to expand my perspective. I now understand that relationships help us to learn things about ourselves that are sometimes hidden from our own perspective. At times, these truths about ourselves are hard to face, but they are necessary for our personal growth.
The people around us are our mirrors, they reflect our own image back to us. In the same way, we reflect our self image, positive or negative, onto the people around us. The more we learn to accept ourselves, the more we learn to mirror our love and acceptance to those around us. By learning acceptance, we can understand that we are ALL Human. No person is perfect.When we are hurt or hurt others, we have to forgive and keep Loving each other just as we continue to forgive and love ourselves.
This perspective helps us with our daily interactions with people. When we feel ourselves becoming upset about something that someone has said or done, we can learn to turn the mirror back on ourselves by asking these questions…
Why am I really upset right now?
What am I reacting to?
What does this situation say about me?
By turning the mirror back onto yourself, you eliminate anger and conflict towards other people.You will also learn to stop blaming others for your own unhappiness and you will stop projecting your negative emotions onto others. Every person, conflict, and situation comes into your life for a reason, to help you learn more about yourself so that you can continue to grow. I am thankful for all the teachers I’ve had throughout my life. Without them, I would not have been able to gain this level of self awareness and self love that has created a higher consciousness and positive perspective in all I do.