Psychology of Self

Exploring What it means to be an…

Introverted

Empathic

Highly sensitive

Woman, teacher, creator, performer, student striving and in search of Peace, Love, and Happiness.

Balancing Energy

Adapting to stress and demands of work and society. Feeling the pressure to always be ON….

finding time to just be alone and process, without feeling guilty

I need time alone to balance out all the energy I’m surrounded by each day..Some days feel like people are sucking the life out of me But as a person, especially as a Teacher, I must make a conscious effort not to project my frustrations onto other people.

If I am feeling drained, that means I need to spend more time taking care of my myself, feeding my own soul so that I have more than enough to share each day.

Affirm: I can maintain my energy. I do not have to give people power over my emotions.

Battling Emotions

Sometimes I get stuck in my head…

Sometimes I’m anxious, frustrated, irritable.  Sometimes my moods can change so fast…

I’m learning to practice patience, and  non-judgment with myself

Movement and Music are healing for my mind, body, and soul. They help me to be present and intentional so I can enjoy the moment.

Affirm: The more I accept all the parts of my personality, the More I can love myself.

Healing

Understanding my past and Healing from toxic relationships, emotional abuse

Unlearning ingrained patterns in my mind and soul: non-expression, depression and isolation

fears that keep me silent and shut down, overcoming shame and guilt, learning to let go of the past, mistakes, and negative energy.

Affirm: I am not a victim, I am a victor.

Communicating

 Deciding to try again with an open minded attitude. Learning to be positive, and accepting but still maintain my standards.

I want to let go of the fearful attitude that keeps me from getting to know people and letting people know me on a deeper level.  I want  to be more transparent about who I am.

Let go of Making Assumptions… Don’t assume that people are out to judge you or hurt you.  There are people who just want to love you and support you for who you are.

Affirm: I am open to give and receive unconditional love.

Vulnerability

Is still hard and still scary,  but can’t be avoided if you want to experience life to the fullest.  

I’m learning to embrace things that make me uncomfortable…It does get easier with communication and self love. 

 It is ok to be emotional. There are positive ways to express emotions… As I learn to be more comfortable in my skin, I can express myself in more ways and on deeper levels. 

I know that people see me in many different ways. Maybe I can’t ignore the thoughts of perception,but I can make them positive and loving instead of fearful and negative.

Affirm: I cannot control what others think of me. I can only control my own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Psychology Today-Explanation of Introverts

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-secret-lives-introverts/201707/the-reason-introverts-might-think-too-much

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Mind over Matter

Let’s not even get into feelings.

I work for a living, I’m like a machine through the week.

There’s no time for feelings about anything.

It’s tiring, but don’t complain

It’s a sacrifice that comes with making something from nothing.

And doing it alone,

Don’t bother looking for comfort anywhere outside of yourself.

My friends exist but mainly acquaintances.

I watch people take vacations and enjoy their summer freedom,

Reminding myself not to be bitter because my time is coming.

I’m working like this so that in the next 3years, I won’t have to.

My time will come. I keep taking steps toward the vision I see for myself,

Only I can see it and I know I will reach it.

Stay persistent and keep aligning your energy with your true desires.

Believe in Faith and the Power of Manifestation.

The Biggest Fear

I think my Biggest fear is that if I finally find the courage to face my fears and open up to someone, that I will be judged and rejected.

You can’t trust your emotions to everyone,

And I know I shouldn’t put myself in vulnerable situations with people I can’t trust, but it happened.

Right now, everything is becoming slippery. Needing support but acting like everything is cool…

Drinking through my Insecurities again, Now trying to face the mess I made.

I don’t do casual because I’m not casual, now when my emotions are involved.

I keep saying It’s because of stress…but when will I not be stressed?

I know this will pass, like every emotional crisis, I’ll survive it.

But what Happens next? Do I cut my losses or try to communicate…

wait it out.

Not Ok

Today was the BreakDown I tried to avoid.

Something about that place stirs up way too many memories and emotions.

I can never make it through 4 hours without tears.

I kept trying to push myself through, but I couldn’t anymore.

Everyone around me can see that I’m not really here at all.

I am so zoned out I can barely force words out of my month.

I keep working like eventually the robotic scans on my machine will make my brain stop thinking or my soul stop feeling.

I hate this place.

This is the same feeling I had when I would scream and cry in my car in the mornings before work

Then pull it together and walk into the building with a smile.

I’m sick of faking like I’m ok.

Some days I am, but some days I’m just not.

I don’t really know how to interact with people when I’m not.

I hate wearing my pain so visibly, but

I am only Human and still learning to be ok.

Clearly UnDefined….

 

Day to day I feel trapped in a Multiplicity of Self…

At times, I am proud of myself, but other times I’m ashamed of my flaws.

I am a kind, loving person but I push people away when they get too close.

Some days I am so inspired, I feel I can do anything. Some days I feel like I’m in over my head.

Some days I feel everything. Some days I am completely numb, just existing.

Some days I feel relaxed and comfortable with people. Some days I feel tense and impatient.

Why am I so complicated? Why can’t I just be the real Me all the time?

How do I get my mind, body, and emotions all on the same page?? To express my true feelings without the need to cover up.

How do I express myself on the days that I feel empty?? I am not a negative person. I know this is a battle I have to keep fighting.

When I become unbalanced, everything falls apart until I realign.

Until I can be the Real Me in every context, I remain emotionally unavailable. It has nothing to do with others, and everything to do with me and my multiplicity of selves…

 

 

 

 

FRee Spirit LOve?

Up until recently I thought of myself as a Free Spirit… Then a new friend brought up that I am actually high strung. I was irritated at first, but I knew she had valid points.

Since I moved to NY, I’ve been in constant work mode, It’s hard to relax…Rent is outrageously high, I don’t have my own place yet, I need a Second job, and I’m starting school next week. Most of my day when I’m not working is spent traveling / navigating around the City so by the end of the day I’m exhausted. With all that, I’ve barely had the time and energy to do the thing I came here to do…. DANCE!

I’m trying my best to calm it down, but I know I have a tendency to make things even more complicated by trying to do everything myself. Yesterday, most of my day consisted of trying to meet up with my friend in Central Park. We started at 1 and we didn’t find each other until 5….. So many things went wrong, But instead of going with simple solutions to make things faster, I insisted on trying to figure it out myself. What started as a leisurely Sunday afternoon ended up being a complicated, exhausting journey. Needless to say, I had the worst attitude by the time my friend met up with me…

She talked with me about it and told me to stop being so hard on myself (by that time I was going on a full rant about all the time I wasted by going to the wrong location). We went back and forth for a while, But I had to admit she was right…. 

Yes, I can be very high strung and complicated for no reason… My mind just works that way. 

So how do I get back to being my old, carefree and Free Spirited Self??

Maybe I need to accept my own limitations and Stop trying to do it all on my own.

Maybe I should try to be more patient with myself and learn to enjoy the journey rather than fixating on the outcome.

Maybe I need to stop fighting against my own emotions and admit that I Really Like this Girl!

Maybe I just need to Stop trying to control everything and Just Let it Happen (as long as it’s not leading to danger or harm of course).

Those things are all easier said than done…But Today is a new Day and I’m going to try my best.

Peace, Love, Happiness

Shenise G.