The Biggest Fear

I think my Biggest fear is that if I finally find the courage to face my fears and open up to someone, that I will be judged and rejected.

You can’t trust your emotions to everyone,

And I know I shouldn’t put myself in vulnerable situations with people I can’t trust, but it happened.

Right now, everything is becoming slippery. Needing support but acting like everything is cool…

Drinking through my Insecurities again, Now trying to face the mess I made.

I don’t do casual because I’m not casual, now when my emotions are involved.

I keep saying It’s because of stress…but when will I not be stressed?

I know this will pass, like every emotional crisis, I’ll survive it.

But what Happens next? Do I cut my losses or try to communicate…

wait it out.

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Focus on YOU.

“Don’t worry about them. Let them worry about you.” Unknown

I have a tendency to spend way too much time worrying about Perception.It’s not intentional, but the thought is always in the back of my mind. Through the years, I’ve found myself obsessing over people and spending more time worrying about what people think of me than understanding what I think of myself! I realized that this is a serious problem for me and it is something I need to learn to work though in order to live a life of true happiness and freedom. But I’ve been this way for so long, I don’t know how to break free from this mental obstacle.

One night, after going through a painful separation from someone I loved, I had a dream that gave me the answer I needed. In this dream,  I was looking at myself in a mirror and I heard my own voice speaking, “Don’t Focus on People, Focus on the Goal.” Since then, that has been a personal mantra for me. Every time I feel myself starting to get hyper focused on perception, I pull it back in and remind myself of a few things…

  1. Whatever  people think of me is beyond my control.
  2. It doesn’t matter what people think of me because I know Who I Am.
  3. Forget about people-What do YOU want?
  4. It’s not my job to be a People pleaser. My only job is to be Myself. Acceptance...:

Fear No Man

 :

I am learning how  to free myself from the Fear of Perception.  I  constantly remind myself that it doesn’t matter what people think of me because I know who I am.

Freedom Affirmations

 I do not allow people to control my thoughts or emotions. I refuse to allow anyone make me feel  ashamed, intimidated or inferior.

I do not fear rejection. I would rather stand alone than try to make myself fit where I don’t belong.

There is nothing anyone  can say or do that will make me change or stop me from being my true self.

Is.51

I.LET.GO

release

I Let Go of …

Trying to change, trying to fix, trying to be perfect, trying to hold on to brokenness, trying to do it all, trying to please, trying to be everything to everyone, trying to control things beyond my control.

I Let Go of..

My fears-fear of the unknown, fear of perception, fear of rejection, fear of lack, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of judgment, fear of disapproval,  fear of vulnerability.

I Let Go of…

My expectations, insecurities, self-doubt, self condemnation, self sabotage, bitterness, jealousy, drama, over-thinking, worrying, expecting too much.

I let Go of shame, guilt, and pain.

I let Go because I am drained and stressed out of my mind, and that is NOT WHO I AM MEANT TO BE.

I was called TO BE FREE.

Let go and Start Living.
be free

Fear of Perception

fear is not real

My biggest challenge as a person and an artist is the fear of perception. I struggle to be myself freely and fully because of this fear. The logical part of me knows that it really doesn’t matter what other people think. I don’t need their approval, but still the thought is always in my mind,

What will they think?

This is an issue I face in every area of my life, at work, church, relationships, wherever people are involved. In every relationship I have,  I secretly worry about the way other people see me.

As a performer,  I’m still uncomfortable when I have to perform solo and all eyes are on me. I always end up toning myself  down so I won’t stand out. I love performing,  but it is not easy to be in spotlight and not feel fearful or anxious.

Fear has been a struggle for me throughout my entire life. I wish there was a way to escape  it or erase the thought from my mind, but I’m learning that fear, like all emotional/mental issues, is not something that I can just turn off. Fear is a mindset that  I  work to overcome daily. Here is where trust and surrender comes in.

I accept the fact that  I cannot conquer my  fears on my own, and  I give it to God.  Every day I seek God to help me overcome my fears. Every day  I meditate on these affirmations whenever I feel my fear creeping up.

  1. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and sound mind.
  2. People are just people and there is no reason to fear them.
  3. My true intention is  to please God and not people.

Every day it gets easier and the fear does not rule my mind the way it used to. Every day I continue to face my fears by taking chances, auditioning, and performing in new places.   Today when I look at all my accomplishments, I realize that I’m now doing things that I used to only dream of.

Deut31-be strong

Sit down, shut up, shut down.

 We have learned to shut our feelings off.

We have learned to drown the voices out.

we learn the game, pretend this is normal,

don’t you dare open your mouth.

Don’t speak, don’t think, don’t feel.

Sit still and smile through your tears.

You are a child.

How dare you act as if this affects you.

This is how we cope.

Then further down the road,

We ponder the pain that haunts

Who is this person ive become?

guarded, isolated, bitter,

afraid to even breathe

constantly apologizing

feelings buried deep.

We build walls  for protection,

trying to keep the world outside

If I don’t feel, then I won’t be disappointed.

If I don’t trust, then I won’t be hurt.

You made me this way, yet you wonder what happened?

Why so distant?

The rest of your life becomes undoing what was done.

05/29/15