One Day at a Time

Reality has a way of Humbling me.

Breaking me to my knees,

Sreaming in my face…

“Wake Up Cinderella!”

I’m trying to stop jumping the gun. I keep trying to make things happen before it’s time…I’m a control freak.

I’m trying to stop setting my expectations so high, it’s a setup for disappointment. Things in my life are never the way I see them in my mind.

Why do Dreams Manifest so slowly?

It’s hard to break these habits because I want what I want so badly. It feels like I’ve been waiting my whole life… Every day I pray for strength, patience, and peace. There never seems to be enough.

I’m trying to let Go and let God lead. I’m trying…Pray for me.

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Confessions of a “Minority”

I’m not going to spend my life being a Color.

I hate that it feels like my race and gender is tied to being….underadvantaged, unequal, and underestimated.

Everywhere I go, I have no choice but to notice the top and bottom. Who is on the top?  Who always seems to be in authority?

Who is always the employee?

I’m sick of being on the bottom, always struggling, fighting for opportunities that others can experience freely.

I want to travel, speak multiple languages, climb mountains, fly on an airplane, surf, ride a motorcyle, perform on Broadway.

Why does it feel like these things are unheard of for a person like me?

I want to see positive examples of myself in the media. I want to see myself as a superhero, Business woman, Leader.

Not the stripper, babymama, or the angry black woman.

No matter how hard it gets, I know that I can’t settle for the low status that society tries to keep me in. Even if I have to work twice as hard, I will reach the top of this glass ceiling and then burst through it.

Humble Yourself-Remaining Patient through the Process

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“Humble Yourself Under God’s Mighty Hand that He may lift you up in due time.” 1Pet.5:6

There’s a war raging inside my mind right now. I am not where I want to be. I want to be successful so badly I am telling myself to do whatever it takes, even if that means pushing past my limits until exhaustion….but the more I push myself, the more my mind and adrenaline kick in and tell me that I cannot rest or slow down. I’m getting to the point where I can’t sit still, my  mind is cluttered, I’m drinking more, and I have to force myself to rest at the end of the day. I’m moving so fast, that I’m making impulsive decisions rather than acting with peaceful clarity. I’m trying to do it all because it  feels like I’m not moving fast enough…Anxiety mode

I’m anxious because I’m 25 and I know that this is my time to move into my next level. My spirit knows to be patient and to Trust God as I  Trust my Journey. Deep down I know that I cannot rush the process.  I need to give myself the time I need to prepare. But at the same time, I am running out of patience.  I’m trying to increase the speed of my life so that I don’t have time to focus on my reality,  which is… I’m still here living in my hometown with my family, working a full time job that I don’t belong in, still struggling to pay bills and save money from month to month. I feel alone. Even though I am not the only struggling artist here, I wish there were more of us. I wish there were more professional training opportunities for me here, but I realize that professional training for adults does not exist here.

I am a positive person, but there are days when it’s just hard to feel inspired. I know from experience that when anxiety and negativity start building up like this,  I need to RE-focus and RE-charge. The reality of my life as a working artist is that I am ALWAYS fighting between being patient and accepting of my current place and feeling frustrated, stressed, and stuck in my current place.  This week, my anxious thoughts and emotions started to over-ride my truth, causing me to lose my Peace.

To go back to my truth, I must continue to find a  peaceful balance between all of my goals and desimg_0051ires.  I know that I need to slow myself down and stick to the plan. I have to constantly remind myself that I am doing enough right now with teaching, choreographing, practicing, performing, and working. I cannot do EVERYTHING all at once. Although I’m always excited for more opportunities, I have to start focusing and prioritizing the ones that will  help me reach my ultimate goal. Most importantly, I have to continue to train my mind and spirit as I am training my body. This means, keeping prayer, meditation, and mindfulness a priority each day so that I can live in a state of peace rather than a frantic frenzy.

Maintaining Balance

How To Live With Intent (Even If You're Super Busy & Stressed Out) - mindbodygreen.com:

In one of my last posts, I talked about the challenges I have with finding and maintaining a successful balance in each area of my life. I know that Balance is the key to a happy and successful life so I want to spend more time learning how to achieve it. I am creating a guide that pinpoints my personal goals for balance, the obstacles I face, and solutions for maintaining a healthy balance in each area.

1.Mind Body and Spirit-Balancing time for physical training, rest,and spiritual goals daily

Obstacle-Restless mind, tired body=No sleep

Solution-Quiet the mind before bed, spend more time reading and studying instead of on the computer

 

2.Physical training

Maintaining balance between strength and flexibility

Solution-continue yoga daily!!!

Maintaining physical appearance-skin, hair, etc

Solution-Go to bed earlier and wake up earlier to have more time for grooming, schedule hair appointments ahead of time

 

3.Drinking-balance between enjoying and overindulging

A slight buzz=ok Getting drunk/wasted=Not ok

Obstacle-Getting too excited, self- discipline and accountablility

Solution-Limit the number of drinks per night and how many nights you drink per week/month

 

4.Time-balancing time for work, rest, and  enjoying life

Obstacle-Understanding the difference between pushing yourself and pressuring yourself to do too much at once!

 

Being proactive as you take action but also patient as you are waiting for things to come together

Solution-Learning to plan ahead and prioritize, Balancing short term and long term goals

 

5.Money-Balancing saving and spending

Enjoy your hard earned money, but also save for the future!

Obstacle-inconsistency, impulsiveness

Solution-Create a budget and hold yourself accountable! Check in with Budget daily!

 

6. Friends/relationships-balance between remaining open but unattached

Friendships=ok  Co-Dependence=Not OK!

Obstacle-Becoming dependent in relationships

Solution-Always have “Me Time”, Establish boundaries in the beginning, communicate when you are uncomfortable/unhappy

 

This is a personal guide, but I hope it can help some of you as well. If it does, feel free to let me know!

 

 

 

 

Focus on YOU.

“Don’t worry about them. Let them worry about you.” Unknown

I have a tendency to spend way too much time worrying about Perception.It’s not intentional, but the thought is always in the back of my mind. Through the years, I’ve found myself obsessing over people and spending more time worrying about what people think of me than understanding what I think of myself! I realized that this is a serious problem for me and it is something I need to learn to work though in order to live a life of true happiness and freedom. But I’ve been this way for so long, I don’t know how to break free from this mental obstacle.

One night, after going through a painful separation from someone I loved, I had a dream that gave me the answer I needed. In this dream,  I was looking at myself in a mirror and I heard my own voice speaking, “Don’t Focus on People, Focus on the Goal.” Since then, that has been a personal mantra for me. Every time I feel myself starting to get hyper focused on perception, I pull it back in and remind myself of a few things…

  1. Whatever  people think of me is beyond my control.
  2. It doesn’t matter what people think of me because I know Who I Am.
  3. Forget about people-What do YOU want?
  4. It’s not my job to be a People pleaser. My only job is to be Myself. Acceptance...:

25

I am 25 this year and I’m realizing that this is the Prime time of my life. Now is the Time to start turning my dreams into reality, and that means making  sacrifices. Instead of spending money on going out, I am taking acting and vocal lessons, practicing, preparing for auditions, choreographing new dances and writing music.

I am taking control of my dreams and my life. I am investing in myself, I am taking action, and it feels good!

I am not waiting for my opportunity. I am not waiting for other people’s support or validation. I am not even using my finances as an excuse not to move forward

I am Living my Dreams now!

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I am  Determined to live to the fullest, conquer my fears, and live my dreams.