With each day I know that this is the beginning of a new season. I can’t find peace in anything anymore. There’s only emptiness and brokenness left here. I try so hard to keep myself from sinking down into it every day. I’m fighting so hard to keep my dreams alive and I’m glad that I made it this far, but I don’t feel like I’m living my life yet.
I’m tired of just getting by, accepting whatever life hands me, finding the tiniest glimpses of happiness once in a rare blue moon.
I feel trapped and isolated and I’m tired of feeling like this. I have to be courageous and ambitious enough to build the life I dream of rather than accept the second rate life I’ve been given. The longer I’m here, the more bitter and resentful I become. It’s been 10 years.. I finally realize that staying here is holding me back from the life I could be living.
I just want to be happy, that’s the only thing I’ve ever really wanted.
Stop Believing that you are powerless and forced to accept a second rate life. You have the power to achieve any goal you set your mind to.
When your soul starts to feel weary, Remember it’s never been easy…And it never will be.
But you are a Spiritual Warrior. To get where you are, you had to fight for your Dreams, Your Identity, and your Sanity.
You must continue fighting for your Peace, for Your happiness, and for your Destiny.
Stay Alert and Keep a Sober Mind! Keep your 3rd eye open, There are snakes in the grass. Distractions are everywhere-Fatigue and stress will make you feel there is no hope. You must stay connected with your Spiritual Energy. Then you will know that it is possible to achieve all your Dreams.
I’m at the point where I’m frustrated with everything around me here…Everywhere I turn I’m surrounded by dead end jobs, everyone struggling to make ends meet, the same old situations never improving, limited opportunities, mediocrity..
For some, it’s easier to remain in misery than to work towards change.
For me, the pressure is enough to push me into success. I refuse to keep living like this, working two jobs just to pay bills and barely having the time for my Art.
I can’t accept this. We went to college and earned degrees. We deserve more than this. Staying here is Not an Option! Leaving is the only way to gain the career and life I deserve. I’m working, training, and counting the days until I can say goodbye to this place.
My soul craves Expression, Inspiration, Connection, Energy….I find it in music, in movement, in Nature.
When I’m not performing or expressing myself, I feel bitter, bored, depressed and dissapointed. There’s so much desire still locked inside. I need to breath life into my desires. Do what I feel, feel what I do, and Love it.
There’s a war raging inside my mind right now. I am not where I want to be. I want to be successful so badly I am telling myself to do whatever it takes, even if that means pushing past my limits until exhaustion….but the more I push myself, the more my mind and adrenaline kick in and tell me that I cannot rest or slow down. I’m getting to the point where I can’t sit still, my mind is cluttered, I’m drinking more, and I have to force myself to rest at the end of the day. I’m moving so fast, that I’m making impulsive decisions rather than acting with peaceful clarity. I’m trying to do it all because it feels like I’m not moving fast enough…Anxiety mode
I’m anxious because I’m 25 and I know that this is my time to move into my next level. My spirit knows to be patient and to Trust God as I Trust my Journey. Deep down I know that I cannot rush the process. I need to give myself the time I need to prepare. But at the same time, I am running out of patience. I’m trying to increase the speed of my life so that I don’t have time to focus on my reality, which is… I’m still here living in my hometown with my family, working a full time job that I don’t belong in, still struggling to pay bills and save money from month to month. I feel alone. Even though I am not the only struggling artist here, I wish there were more of us. I wish there were more professional training opportunities for me here, but I realize that professional training for adults does not exist here.
I am a positive person, but there are days when it’s just hard to feel inspired. I know from experience that when anxiety and negativity start building up like this, I need to RE-focus and RE-charge. The reality of my life as a working artist is that I am ALWAYS fighting between being patient and accepting of my current place and feeling frustrated, stressed, and stuck in my current place. This week, my anxious thoughts and emotions started to over-ride my truth, causing me to lose my Peace.
To go back to my truth, I must continue to find a peaceful balance between all of my goals and desires. I know that I need to slow myself down and stick to the plan. I have to constantly remind myself that I am doing enough right now with teaching, choreographing, practicing, performing, and working. I cannot do EVERYTHING all at once. Although I’m always excited for more opportunities, I have to start focusing and prioritizing the ones that will help me reach my ultimate goal. Most importantly, I have to continue to train my mind and spirit as I am training my body. This means, keeping prayer, meditation, and mindfulness a priority each day so that I can live in a state of peace rather than a frantic frenzy.