Stories of an Empath

For years, I’ve been emotionally imbalanced. Being swept along by my emotions, back and forth between bottling everything inside and watching it all explode in the ugliest ways.

Being unaware of my emotional depth and incapable of Navigating my sea of emotions has caused me to feel sad and disconnected from people and hurt the ones closest to me.

For years, I couldn’t express what I didn’t understand. I thought I must be dramatic, overly sensitive, or even psychotic. I used to criticize myself and feel ashamed whenever I felt I was being too Emotional. I didn’t understand how much I was only hurting myself by trying to bury my emotions.

Now, I know that the word for people like me. There’s even a whole science behind it. Being this way isn’t easy, but it’s my responsibility to figure

When you are an Empath,

1. You feel strongly and deeply. You form strong energetic connections to fellow empaths without even trying to.

2. Your energy is affected by your environment, other people, even the weather…I used to wonder why I felt so sad on cloudy, rainy days and why I lose my motivation towards the end of the day. It is because I draw my energy from the sun.

3. Negative energy is toxic and draining to be around. You have to be selective about the people and conversations you surround yourself with or you will find yourself absorbing negative energy without realizing.

*It takes constant effort and practice to learn how to Protect Your Energy during your daily life!

4. Music is a form of energy. It speaks to me in a way I cannot understand. I find myself crying to certain songs I hear on the radio, but the music I love lifts me up so High that it turns any sadness into joy.

5. You carry an abundance of emotional energy with you at all times. As much as I try, I cannot help but to experience multiple emotions at one time. I can’t turn it off I can only learn to listen and understand what my soul is trying to tell me.

6. Certain things just don’t mix with your energy. For me, Drinking and smoking are the main things to avoid if I’m imbalanced because

1. It taints my energy and aura.

2. It amplifies all of my emotional struggles.

7. You need physical/Creative outlets. You need to do things that allow you to Feel!!

Movement is an outlet to process and channel your emotional energy. Creating, dance, yoga, and nature walks are not just what I love, they are what I need. If I ever take a break from it, I’m back to being empty and depressed.

8. People prone to depression and anxiety are typically empathic and feel things easily and deeply (Kamm 127).

The more I understand, the more I can control my emotions. I’m learning to shape my life around my emotional needs.

It is ok to do what makes you happy.

It is ok to stop doing things that hurt you or negatively affect your energy.

Whenever you feel overwhelmed or confused, come back to this guide.

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Inside my Mind

My anxiety makes me doubt and question everything, even things I know are true. I try to be positive and not expect the worst, but When things turn out well, I am always surprised.

My Add Mind makes it hard to listen to people speak, hard to follow instructions, and hard to follow my own thoughts sometimes. I have many goals, but I haven’t learned to stick with just one Thing at a time. I don’t know if it’s possible. If I’m not doing a hundred things at once, then it feels like I’m not doing enough.

My depression just makes me want to be alone. Some days There’s a lingering pain of loneliness, but it’s hard to explain to others why you’re sad for no reason. I keep myself busy so I don’t have time to feel, but sometimes it catches up with me. Drinking doesn’t help, but it’s still my medication of choice.

I accomplish goals, but always the hard way because of the way my mind works. Sometimes there are obvious solutions to simple problems, but I wonder around in circles making things harder than necessary.

How do I feel about myself? I have my ups and downs… I am a perfectionist. It’s hard to love and accept myself with so many kinks and quirks. I always feel that I want to be better. I’m disappointed when I realize I cannot “fix” myself.

I struggle to love myself because I don’t want to be like this.

I’m always in a hurry, I’m impatient, irritable, I isolate myself because it feels easier to deal with this baggage alone.

I’ve dealt with these issues forever, even before I knew what they were called, but now I’m living in a new place in a new relationship. There’s much more at stake. Now, I am forced to see the many ways my mental habits affect my life and my partner’s.

This year I want to get help. I want to learn how to be a whole, functional person. I want to stop repeating self destructive habits. I want to be in Control of my emotions. But even if I never get it all together, I want to learn to love and accept myself for who I am.

I am not broken, just flawed like every other human on this Earth.

Clearly UnDefined….

 

Day to day I feel trapped in a Multiplicity of Self…

At times, I am proud of myself, but other times I’m ashamed of my flaws.

I am a kind, loving person but I push people away when they get too close.

Some days I am so inspired, I feel I can do anything. Some days I feel like I’m in over my head.

Some days I feel everything. Some days I am completely numb, just existing.

Some days I feel relaxed and comfortable with people. Some days I feel tense and impatient.

Why am I so complicated? Why can’t I just be the real Me all the time?

How do I get my mind, body, and emotions all on the same page?? To express my true feelings without the need to cover up.

How do I express myself on the days that I feel empty?? I am not a negative person. I know this is a battle I have to keep fighting.

When I become unbalanced, everything falls apart until I realign.

Until I can be the Real Me in every context, I remain emotionally unavailable. It has nothing to do with others, and everything to do with me and my multiplicity of selves…

 

 

 

 

Focus on YOU.

“Don’t worry about them. Let them worry about you.” Unknown

I have a tendency to spend way too much time worrying about Perception.It’s not intentional, but the thought is always in the back of my mind. Through the years, I’ve found myself obsessing over people and spending more time worrying about what people think of me than understanding what I think of myself! I realized that this is a serious problem for me and it is something I need to learn to work though in order to live a life of true happiness and freedom. But I’ve been this way for so long, I don’t know how to break free from this mental obstacle.

One night, after going through a painful separation from someone I loved, I had a dream that gave me the answer I needed. In this dream,  I was looking at myself in a mirror and I heard my own voice speaking, “Don’t Focus on People, Focus on the Goal.” Since then, that has been a personal mantra for me. Every time I feel myself starting to get hyper focused on perception, I pull it back in and remind myself of a few things…

  1. Whatever  people think of me is beyond my control.
  2. It doesn’t matter what people think of me because I know Who I Am.
  3. Forget about people-What do YOU want?
  4. It’s not my job to be a People pleaser. My only job is to be Myself. Acceptance...:

Fear of Perception

fear is not real

My biggest challenge as a person and an artist is the fear of perception. I struggle to be myself freely and fully because of this fear. The logical part of me knows that it really doesn’t matter what other people think. I don’t need their approval, but still the thought is always in my mind,

What will they think?

This is an issue I face in every area of my life, at work, church, relationships, wherever people are involved. In every relationship I have,  I secretly worry about the way other people see me.

As a performer,  I’m still uncomfortable when I have to perform solo and all eyes are on me. I always end up toning myself  down so I won’t stand out. I love performing,  but it is not easy to be in spotlight and not feel fearful or anxious.

Fear has been a struggle for me throughout my entire life. I wish there was a way to escape  it or erase the thought from my mind, but I’m learning that fear, like all emotional/mental issues, is not something that I can just turn off. Fear is a mindset that  I  work to overcome daily. Here is where trust and surrender comes in.

I accept the fact that  I cannot conquer my  fears on my own, and  I give it to God.  Every day I seek God to help me overcome my fears. Every day  I meditate on these affirmations whenever I feel my fear creeping up.

  1. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and sound mind.
  2. People are just people and there is no reason to fear them.
  3. My true intention is  to please God and not people.

Every day it gets easier and the fear does not rule my mind the way it used to. Every day I continue to face my fears by taking chances, auditioning, and performing in new places.   Today when I look at all my accomplishments, I realize that I’m now doing things that I used to only dream of.

Deut31-be strong