New Season

With each day I know that this is the beginning of a new season. I can’t find peace in anything anymore. There’s only emptiness and brokenness left here. I try so hard to keep myself from sinking down into it every day. I’m fighting so hard to keep my dreams alive and I’m glad that I made it this far, but I don’t feel like I’m living my life yet. 


I’m tired of just getting by, accepting whatever life hands me, finding the tiniest glimpses of happiness once in a rare blue moon.

I feel trapped and isolated and I’m tired of feeling like this. I have to be courageous and ambitious enough to build the life I dream of rather than accept the second rate life I’ve been given. The longer I’m here, the more bitter and resentful I become. It’s been 10 years.. I finally realize that staying here is holding me back from the life I could be living.

I just want to be happy, that’s the only thing I’ve ever really wanted.

Stop Believing that you are powerless and forced to accept a second rate life. You have the power to achieve any goal you set your mind to. 

 

Humble Yourself-Remaining Patient through the Process

image
“Humble Yourself Under God’s Mighty Hand that He may lift you up in due time.” 1Pet.5:6

There’s a war raging inside my mind right now. I am not where I want to be. I want to be successful so badly I am telling myself to do whatever it takes, even if that means pushing past my limits until exhaustion….but the more I push myself, the more my mind and adrenaline kick in and tell me that I cannot rest or slow down. I’m getting to the point where I can’t sit still, my  mind is cluttered, I’m drinking more, and I have to force myself to rest at the end of the day. I’m moving so fast, that I’m making impulsive decisions rather than acting with peaceful clarity. I’m trying to do it all because it  feels like I’m not moving fast enough…Anxiety mode

I’m anxious because I’m 25 and I know that this is my time to move into my next level. My spirit knows to be patient and to Trust God as I  Trust my Journey. Deep down I know that I cannot rush the process.  I need to give myself the time I need to prepare. But at the same time, I am running out of patience.  I’m trying to increase the speed of my life so that I don’t have time to focus on my reality,  which is… I’m still here living in my hometown with my family, working a full time job that I don’t belong in, still struggling to pay bills and save money from month to month. I feel alone. Even though I am not the only struggling artist here, I wish there were more of us. I wish there were more professional training opportunities for me here, but I realize that professional training for adults does not exist here.

I am a positive person, but there are days when it’s just hard to feel inspired. I know from experience that when anxiety and negativity start building up like this,  I need to RE-focus and RE-charge. The reality of my life as a working artist is that I am ALWAYS fighting between being patient and accepting of my current place and feeling frustrated, stressed, and stuck in my current place.  This week, my anxious thoughts and emotions started to over-ride my truth, causing me to lose my Peace.

To go back to my truth, I must continue to find a  peaceful balance between all of my goals and desimg_0051ires.  I know that I need to slow myself down and stick to the plan. I have to constantly remind myself that I am doing enough right now with teaching, choreographing, practicing, performing, and working. I cannot do EVERYTHING all at once. Although I’m always excited for more opportunities, I have to start focusing and prioritizing the ones that will  help me reach my ultimate goal. Most importantly, I have to continue to train my mind and spirit as I am training my body. This means, keeping prayer, meditation, and mindfulness a priority each day so that I can live in a state of peace rather than a frantic frenzy.

Spiritual Destiny 


I am more than my physical appearance. I am more than my gifts and talents. I am a living soul and spirit.
I accept that I am a complex being made of mind, body, spirit, and soul. I understand that my greater purpose is to live through each of these dimensions by finding balance and harmony among each part.

You cannot separate your spiritual destiny from your physical journey, Everything is connected.

Mirror, Mirror

When I was younger, I could not understand why people seem to come and go throughout my life. I did not understand relationships and the value they added to my existence. Through my spiritual journey, I’ve been able to expand my perspective. I now understand that relationships help us to learn  things about ourselves that are sometimes hidden from our own perspective. At times, these truths about ourselves are hard to face, but they are necessary for our personal growth.

mirror

The people around us are our mirrors, they reflect our own image back to us. In the same way, we reflect our self image, positive or negative,  onto the people around us. The more we learn to accept ourselves, the more we learn to mirror our love and acceptance to those around us. By learning acceptance, we can understand that  we are ALL Human. No person is perfect.When we are hurt or hurt others,  we have to forgive and keep Loving each other just as we continue to forgive and love ourselves.

This perspective helps us with our daily interactions with people. When we feel ourselves becoming upset about something that someone has said or done, we can learn to turn the mirror back on ourselves by asking these questions…

Why am I really upset right now?

What am I reacting to?

What does this situation say about me?

By turning the mirror back onto yourself, you eliminate anger and conflict towards other people.You will also learn to stop blaming others for your own unhappiness and you will  stop projecting your negative emotions onto others.  Every person, conflict, and situation comes into your life for a reason, to help you learn more about yourself so that you can continue to grow. I am thankful for all the teachers I’ve had throughout my life. Without them, I would not have been able to gain this level of self awareness and self love that has created a higher consciousness and positive perspective in all I do.

FRee SpiRit

free-spirit

I accept my path as a Free Spirit Artist. I am not meant to be tied down by my job, my family, or my location.I don’t need relationships or labels. Long term commitments make me feel suffocated and trapped. I belong to no one. I am not meant to stay in one place. In every season of my life,  I learn what I need to and then it’s time for me to move on.  I am constantly evolving. I change my job, I change my friends, I change my style, I change my mind. I welcome my present source of inspiration. I let go of negative energy that binds me down. I love having time to myself. Being alone does not make me feel lonely. It brings me peace.  I need space to move, breathe and just be myself.

Don't live by what others will think! Once you stop caring, the world opens up to you!:

CHILL!

So yesterday I looked at my already depleted bank account, only 4 days after pay day, and I felt disgusted with my whole life. 😒

I started stressing myself out over money, bills, my career, and my future..”How am I ever going to be able to do it all??”

I started watching a comedy on tv to take my mind off it. After a while, I heard a little voice saying “Chiiill Out! You are taking your life way too seriously right now!” And I needed that. I realize that all of my anxiety stems from a lack of trust that everything is working out exactly as it should. So chill out and enjoy your life! 

9.16.12

9-16-12

Four years ago my life was different. As a person, I was more focused on pleasing people than doing what was right for me. As a dancer, I felt the need to conform to an image that was given to me rather than being true to my own identity. I was so focused on money and attention that I put myself in a dangerous situation and I paid the consequences. Since then, I’ve learned from my past and decided that I will Never value people, money, or attention above my peace, happiness or well being again.

My Journey to Self Love begins…